This is so strange, I was thinking about how I did during the holidays with the food choices and the land of junk food around. Many times I felt like I wasn't going to make it. It also brought a reality to my world of living around people who can eat what ever they want and don't care if they do. Now I don't mean this badly, because I love each and everyone of my family members. It is frustrating at times to decline, and uplifiting in the same moment to decline. Now I honestly managed to eat small protions and even asked for a small plate and fork to eat with. I felt in control and victorious. Then came the dessert time. My mom made some wonderful desserts, and believe it or not nothing was truly sugar free. This is surprising, my father is a diabetic. I didn't so much miss the dessert fair, but I felt guilty because I wasn't eating when everyone else was. So what did I do. I ate Turkey for dessert. I know it doesn't seem bad, and it wasn't a lot. But I ate because that was what everyone was doing. I ate from conditional training of years of eating. No I am not beating myself up in the sense of failure. I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that I ate out of response to family pressure. Hind sight is 20-20. I know I should of gotten up and did something else. Go for a short walk, or wash dishes, but the reality was I enjoyed the conversations at the table.  That was Christmas day.  New Years Evewas the day of sabotaging myself. I tried a few chips and dip on New Years eve. I knew better and I am angry over that. I know that chips is a trigger food and a major weakness. I guess the best part of this is the dip didn't like me and I had stomach pains to boot. I am thankful for that. At least now I know I don't want that feeling again. Over all I am pleased with the holidays and the family gatherigs. I have lost another 6 pounds since my last update. I can't complain. I guess in the realm of being good and trying, I did well.  I will return back to work on the 6th, and I know things will settle down for me. I will get back on track with the food program and make my meals scheduled. I can't forget to eat at work, I am planned with lunch and snacks for the late afternoon work.  I never really discuss how spoiled I am. But it is true, I am very spoiled. My husband has been a great support system and trooper. He quietly helps me stay on track in public venues. He is the first to share with me. I am so loved it hurts to think about it.  When I reflect back on our marriage I realize that we made it through some challenging and trying times. I thank God for the direction and the fortitude he granted both of us. I can't imagine my life without him. For those of you who don't know, my husband had a heartattack at the age of 37. God was watching him and he was given a second chance on life. That is mortatlity staring in your face. I almost lost him and I am grateful that he knows how much I love him and the world he works hard to provide me and the children with.  Going into this journey, my husband was terrified of the surgery aspect. Now he realizes how happier I am and the desire to do more things. I know he never complained about my weight or size. He loves me for me. But let me tell you, We secetly share victory when we read the scale together. He sees my excitement, and how my personality is changing. We have talked extensively about my personality and how the weight loss will change me. I am frightened about being a self-centered person. In my personal characteristics, I love saying yes to people. I enjoy their excitement and love for the things God gives me to share. I just know at times I need to be selfish in order to maintain  the blessings of sharing with others. Surgery date august 25, 2008Start weight 348Todays weight 257.6