I am having this amazing anxiety attack that just will not let go of me. It's like my brain is confused and it is reliving the the night of my rape over and over. I feel myself in such a state like after the rape and I am thinking, if I just wait till morning I can call my friend. If I just wait til morning he will listen and understand me. If I just wait till morning he will know what to do. If I just wait til morning he will love me and help me. He will love me back to life, but I have to wait til morning. But I can't wait and I start: If I could just call him now in the middle of the night, he could help me RIGHT NOW! If I could call him right now he could come to me and make me feel safe. And the thing about these memories is that they are bad enough on there own, but knowing what happened once I did call him in the morning, makes all the bad so much worse. Because when I did call him in the morning, he called me a liar. When he finally picked up the phone there was no support, no love or caring just nothing. So the me today is having this flashback with all this knowledge behind them. This makes my anxiety feel ten times worse. Maybe a hundred times is closer. Then its like me today is thinking what if I could talk to him today and explain everything and get him to believe me, then will he be supportive and loving. SO the now me starts her own anxiety loop about how to get in touch with him. And I know that it is useless, but I cant stop. This anxiety started last night and I can't get it to go away. I do think it would be fair for me to say that once I became suicidal after the rape, he was supportive, but he could not understand how I got to this point because he did not acknowledge the rape. So he had all this love for me when I attempted suicide, but acted like he could not undestand what brought me here. Then he left.
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Dear Friend,
I can\'t even imagine what it was like for you to go through that, no way! Flashbacks are just awful, especiallt when your body has a response to them. My dear girl, you never deserved what happened to you, never! Neither was it your fault... you\'ll be in my thoughts, may you heal in due time........ Your friend, Vic
HI, I am so sorry for the pain & suffering you had to go threw the 1st time, now it\'s the flash backs that you have to deal with & your friend is not their to be by your side to comfort you in the time of need! -- have you gone to take a class in self defense ? my ex was raped in her early years , SO AFTER SHE TOLD ME ABOUT IT YEARS LATER ,I had a punching bag in the back yard 7 she whailed on it any time those thought\'s came back, or any other negitive problems got her down she whailed on it & it really helped her to release all or most neg. thoughts that ishe was able to deal with those demons & chased them away !! IT also helped he to be a more positive person person & not worrie as much if a problem did arrise!! I wish you the best & please write me anytime if you would like! AS for US men we will never know really the true pain & suffering any woman did go thrue-- GOD BLESS -- PEYERS!