So I saw my pain manager yesterday. I told him that I thought the pain patch was working, but I still needed to take some dilauded for breakthrough pain. And that on the third day of wearing the patch I feel like it is less effective. He said that was normal and it was ok to need the dilauded even once or twice a day. I don't think a doctor has called me normal in years.

He started talking about how he thought the surgery was a bad idea. He said that he would have told my surgeon so if he had been asked. I told him that I do not regret the surgery at all because I think it helped. He admitted he may have been wrong. That was weird. Then he started talking about how I am prone to infection because I have had so many surgeries. And the bad thing was that I am having this much pain while I am so young. He said that they are not going to be able to keep doing these surgeries (I've had 7). Then he said, I don't want to make you cry. I said, why do I look like I am going to cry? Do I always cry when I come here. He said, yeah you pretty much do. I feel soooooo silly now. Thinking back, I think I have always cried after talking to him. BUT, I really like him. He is the first pain manager I like. I stopped seeing all the others after a few visits because I just did not get along with them. (Usually because they blame my pain on the rape or being depressed because of the rape.) This guy has actually tried different things. He actually wants to make me better. He knows about my past and acknowledges my fears and says it could make things difficult, but it is not the cause.

So that is the one good thing that has happened for me in the past few days. I have been having problems with some other stuff, but I don't feel comfortable sharing that openly yet.