What a ride this summer as been. It seems I just get out of the hospital just to end up there again. I can't stand it anymore. This was a beautiful weekend and we were only able to go out once because my pain started to act up.I don't know what to do about my pain anymore. I am seeing this new pain doctor, who I love because he usually really listens and tries and some one from his office always calls me back when I leave a message, but I called him this weekend because things were so bad and he really did not help. Take more medicine he says. So I spent most of my weekend curled up in a ball on my bed or in my recliner. I mean if the medicine wasn't helping in the first place, is taking more going to really help or just put me to sleep. I think I needed a shot to break the cycle and then return to the pills. It takes a lot for me to call a doctor on a weekend. I hate having a doctor paged. I feel like I am intruding into their lives. I mean everyone deserves some time off. He said to call him back if I didn't feel better after trying what he suggested. I didn't bother. What was he going to tell me? Take more. I didn't need that. So I just cried instead.Part of the problem is that I just got out of the hospital for a heart related incident.  I kind of passed out in my doctor's office. She wouldn't let me leave her office that way, so she sent me next door with a nurse to the hospital. It seemed like they immediately admitted me, but my husband says I called him late in the evening to tell him where I was, so I really don't know what happened. I have a very spotty memory of what happened that afternoon. I do know I ended up in the cardiac ward with a monitor on me. I was there thee days. They took lots of blood and had a hell of a time getting an IV in me.On the last day I fought with a doctor that they called in to address the medication I was on and what I should really be taking. The think my problem stemmed from all the meds I was taking. She was a psychiatrist but she was not my psychiatrist. She thought she should take it upon herself to judge my whole life. She accused me of attempting suicide and being addicted to my pain medicine. She told me I was doing a disservice to myself when I refused to join her partial hospitalization program. I don't need that kind of psych help. I have done it before. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist already. Then I heard her making fun of me to a doctor in the hallway right outside my door. I got up and walked into the hallway dragging my IV with me so she would know that I could hear her. Then I called my pain doctor and asked about the issues she brought up and he told me that I should not be concerned about it because that was not what was going on. When she returned I told her about the call and she said, I never said that. Now that is just bullshit! You can't stand there and look me straight in the eye and lie to me like that. I am not stupid or hearing things.I talked to a nurse after that and she filed a complaint and she told me I should tell my primary doctor about it. When he returned to tell me I could go home, I told him I never wanted to talk to her again and explained why. Apparently she makes a lot of people feel that way. Well, if you stop using her, she will learn you don't like her practice. For Christ's sake do I have to do everything myself.Speaking of which, I had to call my pain manager because even though I asked the doctor to call him every time I saw him, I even provided his business card, the doctor would not call him. I had to call him myself and tell him everything that was happening. And of course he is asking me questions I could not answer, like what my bloodwork said. The guy has an office in the same complex as the hospital and has privileges there but they would not call him. I don't understand. At least I finally convinced them to give me what I take at home for my pain because it was getting bad.It was nice to come home. The asked me to make appointments with my pain manager and psychiatrist for this week. My psychiatrist can't see me for two weeks, but my pain manager is seeing me in two days.So that is my long and sordid story. I am sorry I have not been here. We also went to California at the beginning of August for two weeks. I was very careful with everything so I would enjoy it. I loved CA. I wish we could go back.I hope you are all well.