I cannot believe that I am in this pain again. Actually, yes I can. The pain is from endometriosis which is connected to your menstraul cycle. Keeping track, day 21. So this is a day the pain should be bad and it is only going to get worse. Oh, it is going to be like 2 weeks of this. I called my pain manager yesterday and he told me to take the Dilauded. That is the stronger pain med I have. But the instructions he originally gave me was to take at bedtime if needed. No, no he says take it if you need it that's why they're there. So now I have been taking the stronger one and pretty much been lying down since yesterday afternoon and I AM STILL IN PAIN! I just called them again to see if I am supposed to just keep taking it round the clock or were they hoping to stop it and I wouldn't need anymore.I feel so confused with this new doctor. Every other pain manager has called me a drug seeker by now. But this doctor believes me and wants to help, but he is not helping yet. And I hurt and it makes me want to cry. The other doctor who was seeing me would have sent me to the ER by now for a stronger med. Not that I want to go to the hospital, but I want something. Magic fairy dust would do.I said I would fill you in on my therapy session yesterday. I spent a lot of time on my sick cat. I guess I didin't realize how sad I was about it. I know I am mad at my husband for not doing anything. I put her outside on our balcony yesterday and she sat in the sun and smelled the flowers. She seemed really happy. I left her out there for 20 minuted and when I picked her up she growled at me. I guess she wanted to stay. I wish I left her there. She seemed so happy.Then we talked about all the medical things that have been going on. I don't even remember if I have written about them here. I'll have to check and if not I will. But I told her about not being asleep when they strapped me down for the nerve block. I was supposed to be asleep. I flipped out and grabbed the nurse next to me and said don't let them do this to me. I was screaming and crying. I don't like to feel restrained and they had my legs strapped to the table.My therapist understood why this was so upsetting. Then I told her that he sent me for an MRI which I can't do. I was supposed to be asleep for that too and I just cried the whole time.The session was like she had never left. I got everything in but we went like 20 minutes over. Which is not usually problem because it is her lunch time so when I say oh got to go, you know because I don't want to talk about something. She says that's ok, this is my break. But she had some one so it was bad.She asked if I did the lyric exercise I promised I would bring. I said yes, but I only started it. I guess I should do it for next weekThis pain is feeling like too much, just too much. It makes me want to cut so I can have some control over my pain. I will try very hard not to do that. Damn it I should just take the pill!