So I just got back from seeing my psychiatrist and it was kind of a weird session. I told her I did not want to increase the Lamictal because I already felt really good and not depressed at all.

The thing is, I told her, is that I feel like there are all these things that need to be accessed and I was getting to some of them with my therapist and now I feel like I put them neatly away to leave me alone. (I mean maybe it is only temporary.) She asked if I thought it was a good thing or a bad thing. I said bad, because I don't want these things locked up in my mind, just so they can spring out on me at a time I am not ready for them. I want to deal with them. What is the point in packing it up, forgetting about it and just taking the drugs to keep it away? I see no point. Just deal with it. I mean I'll take some drugs, but could we lower the dose so I can FEEL something.

I don't know make sense to anyone. I mean maybe I should just be happy it is gone for now and deal with it later. The thing is that I have done that before and things came out worse than ever. I feel like I am making a choice and either way I lose a good part of me.

I don't know what I want to do, or how I feel about it.

This feels like hell too. That is just not fair.

Slow BY FUEL
And all I wanted
Was all I needed you know
Everything that good in my life
If you have to take it all away
Oh no
Take it all away
Oh no no no
Take it slow