All my crazy bad feelings came flooding back to me last night. I have been having a lot of physical pain over the last few days. And I have been trying to hide it. I haven't called my doctor. And I haven't asked for help.
I wanted to be with my husband this weekend. I wanted to do something normal, like go see a movie and get some Chinese food for bring home. (I don't like eating out with all that has been happening to me when I eat.) But no, he said he had to do his taxes. So all day Saturday I am bugging him to get the taxes done so we could do something on Sunday. But he doesn't. Then all afternoon Sunday he is doing anything but taxes. Then when he goes to do them, our computer crashes or something and he can't and starts setting up the new computer that we have had for a year but he never set it up. There goes any thought of doing anything.
And every time he asked what I wanted for dinner, I told him I wanted take out. I got frozen pizza.
I was in pain and I felt like crap and everything he did just made me feel worse. Here I was wanting to call my doctor and go to the ER for pain medicine, but doing anything and everything I could to act normal so we could be a normal couple.
I tried hitting on my husband offering myself to him even though I was in pain and he just didn't want me. He hasn't wanted me and that scares me.
Then he tells me he was thinking of coming home from work early today to go out to dinner. Now for anyone that does not know my husband, early is 7 or 8PM. He usually works until 10 or 11PM. He wants to go because he has a coupon which is going to expire. Doesn't he think I know that? I told him I was thinking of calling the doctor because I have felt like crap. I mean did you not notice after all the laundry didn't get done and I took naps both days.
Here is when everything went completely downhill. He dropped something on the floor and I went to help him pick it up because I needed to go to the bathroom and this was in my way. He starts yelling at me about why did I have to help him. Now the tears are welling in my eyes and I said before I start crying you tell me why I can't help you. Tell me what is wrong with me that I can't make love to you or help you pick something up? He said I didn't need to jump up and help him when I have just told him how bad I feel. (I'm trying to be normal. A normal couple.)
I said that I didn't jump up I was getting up to go to the bathroom and you were in my way. Then I locked myself in the bathroom and cried until I started vomiting and wishing I had my art knife so I could cut until I only saw blood and no more skin. I was in there forever crying then vomiting it was like a vicious circle I couldn't stop. Now my pain is really bad. I am having a panic attack and I am completely convinced my husband is cheating on me. AND I have no one.
Not to mention that my pain is bad and my doctor isn't in until this afternoon and I don't know if I should even bother calling him I mean what can he really do but send me to the ER. And my husband will be mad if I have to go there again.
I don't know what to do. I just want to cry and cut and then sleep. Or maybe just take every pill I have. (No can't do that.) HELP.
I wanted to be with my husband this weekend. I wanted to do something normal, like go see a movie and get some Chinese food for bring home. (I don't like eating out with all that has been happening to me when I eat.) But no, he said he had to do his taxes. So all day Saturday I am bugging him to get the taxes done so we could do something on Sunday. But he doesn't. Then all afternoon Sunday he is doing anything but taxes. Then when he goes to do them, our computer crashes or something and he can't and starts setting up the new computer that we have had for a year but he never set it up. There goes any thought of doing anything.
And every time he asked what I wanted for dinner, I told him I wanted take out. I got frozen pizza.
I was in pain and I felt like crap and everything he did just made me feel worse. Here I was wanting to call my doctor and go to the ER for pain medicine, but doing anything and everything I could to act normal so we could be a normal couple.
I tried hitting on my husband offering myself to him even though I was in pain and he just didn't want me. He hasn't wanted me and that scares me.
Then he tells me he was thinking of coming home from work early today to go out to dinner. Now for anyone that does not know my husband, early is 7 or 8PM. He usually works until 10 or 11PM. He wants to go because he has a coupon which is going to expire. Doesn't he think I know that? I told him I was thinking of calling the doctor because I have felt like crap. I mean did you not notice after all the laundry didn't get done and I took naps both days.
Here is when everything went completely downhill. He dropped something on the floor and I went to help him pick it up because I needed to go to the bathroom and this was in my way. He starts yelling at me about why did I have to help him. Now the tears are welling in my eyes and I said before I start crying you tell me why I can't help you. Tell me what is wrong with me that I can't make love to you or help you pick something up? He said I didn't need to jump up and help him when I have just told him how bad I feel. (I'm trying to be normal. A normal couple.)
I said that I didn't jump up I was getting up to go to the bathroom and you were in my way. Then I locked myself in the bathroom and cried until I started vomiting and wishing I had my art knife so I could cut until I only saw blood and no more skin. I was in there forever crying then vomiting it was like a vicious circle I couldn't stop. Now my pain is really bad. I am having a panic attack and I am completely convinced my husband is cheating on me. AND I have no one.
Not to mention that my pain is bad and my doctor isn't in until this afternoon and I don't know if I should even bother calling him I mean what can he really do but send me to the ER. And my husband will be mad if I have to go there again.
I don't know what to do. I just want to cry and cut and then sleep. Or maybe just take every pill I have. (No can't do that.) HELP.
Replies
Sounds like your in a bad situation and a very unhealthy relationship,maybe you should just come out and confront him about whether he is cheating on you makes ya wonder when you offer yourself to him and he isn\'t interested that is odd.Have a good day or try anyway,Hugs,Kim
Yikes. I agree that it sounds like you are in an unhealthy relationship. What evidence do you have for his cheating? I hope you have a better day today. I wish I could be there in person to help.
First things first...deal with your pain. That being always there, it needs to be adjusted, I wouldn\'t trust myself to make any decisions while being affected that way.
You list more than a few things that need addressing, I suggest you don\'t try to take them on all at the same time.
In this situation, you need to come first. Once you can deal undistracted, you will be in better shape to deal with everything else.
I\'m full of advice, and other substances. I hope your day got better and I wait hopefully to hear what the doctors have done to address the pain. Have a better day: that is my wish. (((hugs)))
ok, just a thought. Is it possible he is confused? He knows you\'re in pain but you\'re trying to act as normal as possible (understandable). He knows your issues regarding sex and then you try to because it will make him happy. there are some mixed signals here. Krissanta, if nothing else, you both need to be direct. You are confused about what he wants and he is confused about what is ok.
Maybe he is cheating, maybe not. But lack of communication creates a degree of mistrust. You and I have talked a lot. I know the lack of understanding he has shown. But you don\'t understand why he is acting that way either. Please, if nothing else, ask some direct questions. Ask what he expects and tell him what you expect. Neither of you understands the other. I know you care for him very much. its worth making an attempt.