I wanted so desperately to find some one to talk to, I called the local crime victims council. I was hoping that they would be starting a support group in the next couple weeks. They are not. She told me that they are thinking maybe in the summer. I started crying. I said I just don't think I would be able to make it that long. I needed to talk to some one now.

She said that she saw I had seen and individual counselor there a couple years ago, but he was no longer working there. I just felt like hope was falling away with my tears.

Then I called my best friend and he is not answering the phone. I know he is going through an anxiety attack thing right now, but he won't talk to me about it so I don't really understand it. He won't answer my emails either and I am just starting to feel that it is just me. He was the only person besides my therapist that I felt I could really talk to about my rape. Now I feel alone.

Breathe No More by EVANESCENCE
I've been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side
All the little pieces, falling shatter
Shards of me too sharp to put back together
Too small to matter
Big enough to cut me into so many little pieces if I try to touch her
And I bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe no more
Take a breathe and I try to draw from my spirits well
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child
Lie to me convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this will make sense when I get better
But I know the difference between myself and my reflection
I just can't help but to wonder, which of us do you love
So I bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe no more

I have brought this song to therapy and she agrees with me. She said it sounds like everything I have ever talked about. It's a pretty song.