I made it through my appointment with my psychiatrist. She did not over react when I told her everything that has been going on. She said that it seemed I have been going through a rough time and asked me to describe what has been going on.
I told her everything, from the pain and surgery to the suicidal feelings. I like that she has this demeanor about her. She is like caring and quiet, but she seems to know what she is doing. My last doctor was very cold and aggressive and she did not seem to listen to me.
She said that she knew I didn't like the thought of it, but she really thought it was time to go back on the Lamictal. I am starting at 25mgs every other day. I have medication sensitivities. It seems like if something might go wrong with a med, it goes wrong for me. She said something about a rash. It didn't happen last time, but I am not taking chances.
I explained that I was relieved that we were just trying medicine because my therapist and the nurse who had called me from her office suggested the hospital. She asked if I thought it was that bad and I said NO! She wanted to know why I felt so strongly against it. I explained my past and how I get this trapped feeling. Then she asked about out patient. I said I did that before and it just seemed silly. I told her that I wonder if I have such feelings because I was about to graduate with a psych degree when I got sick. And I know these things people are saying and it just feels silly. She said that it was one thing to know it and understand it, but it is another to make it part of your life. She's right, but I am still not going.
If the meds don't work, MAYBE I will think about it.
The pain has not been that good. I'm still waiting for my doctor to call me back. I also had to call another doctor because I have not been able to eat without getting sick since before this whole things started. I ate a bowl of soup last night and I was sick until morning. I eat, I get sick. With all these problems, I don't feel I can take much more. Something has to get better soon, right.
Here are some more lyrics.
Untitled By FUEL
I wanted to feel something
To be something
To see something
I wanted to find
One thing that was mine
And leave this behind
But I can't find my way
To get far away
And bury these days
Fantasy
Once reality
Becomes such a parody
If I could find
One thing that was mine
I'd leave this behind
But I can't find my way
To get far away
And bury these days
If shining
Or if shaking
It's reality faking
If I could find
One thing that was mine
I'd leave this behind
But I can't find my way
To get far away
And bury these days
I can really relate to this. There so simple, but the music and singers voice lends it such emotion. It feels perfect to me. I do want to find one thing that is mine and leave all my problems behind, get far away and just forget everything. You know?
Thanks for listening. I know my journal entries are long and I really appreciate people taking the time to read them and comment. IT REALLY HELPS ME!
I told her everything, from the pain and surgery to the suicidal feelings. I like that she has this demeanor about her. She is like caring and quiet, but she seems to know what she is doing. My last doctor was very cold and aggressive and she did not seem to listen to me.
She said that she knew I didn't like the thought of it, but she really thought it was time to go back on the Lamictal. I am starting at 25mgs every other day. I have medication sensitivities. It seems like if something might go wrong with a med, it goes wrong for me. She said something about a rash. It didn't happen last time, but I am not taking chances.
I explained that I was relieved that we were just trying medicine because my therapist and the nurse who had called me from her office suggested the hospital. She asked if I thought it was that bad and I said NO! She wanted to know why I felt so strongly against it. I explained my past and how I get this trapped feeling. Then she asked about out patient. I said I did that before and it just seemed silly. I told her that I wonder if I have such feelings because I was about to graduate with a psych degree when I got sick. And I know these things people are saying and it just feels silly. She said that it was one thing to know it and understand it, but it is another to make it part of your life. She's right, but I am still not going.
If the meds don't work, MAYBE I will think about it.
The pain has not been that good. I'm still waiting for my doctor to call me back. I also had to call another doctor because I have not been able to eat without getting sick since before this whole things started. I ate a bowl of soup last night and I was sick until morning. I eat, I get sick. With all these problems, I don't feel I can take much more. Something has to get better soon, right.
Here are some more lyrics.
Untitled By FUEL
I wanted to feel something
To be something
To see something
I wanted to find
One thing that was mine
And leave this behind
But I can't find my way
To get far away
And bury these days
Fantasy
Once reality
Becomes such a parody
If I could find
One thing that was mine
I'd leave this behind
But I can't find my way
To get far away
And bury these days
If shining
Or if shaking
It's reality faking
If I could find
One thing that was mine
I'd leave this behind
But I can't find my way
To get far away
And bury these days
I can really relate to this. There so simple, but the music and singers voice lends it such emotion. It feels perfect to me. I do want to find one thing that is mine and leave all my problems behind, get far away and just forget everything. You know?
Thanks for listening. I know my journal entries are long and I really appreciate people taking the time to read them and comment. IT REALLY HELPS ME!
Replies
I am so glad that you like this one, and that your session went well. Sometimes, it is not the one with the most credentials, but the one you can feel comfortable with. I hope this is a turning point for you.
It makes such a difference when you have a good therapist that you trust. I am gad you were able to talk to her.
It sounds like your psych appointment went well, and I\'m glad to hear it. You two are able to talk to one another and that\'s a great thing. I hope your other appointments come soon. Take care.
your pdoc sounds awesome. take some more time with her and then consider outpatient. I have a minor in psych. If I had taken any language courses it would have been a major (what bs, another time maybe :) ) I spent 3 weeks in outpatient and your doc knows what she is talking about. Hell I knew what was wrong with me for 18 yrs. thought I knew enough to deal with it. I did not learn anything new about psych in outpatient. And I already knew what to do to make it better. But I wasnt doing those things. I was self destructing. I learned about dealing and that its ok to forgive myself. I am not that terriblle person who brought the world down on himself. At times, I slip but never back all the way. Some of the things are silly. Open your mind. You can really learn from it. Or you can just do something silly and enjoy being silly. You my friend need more silly in your life.
I am afraid that inpatient or outpatient would not suit me at the moment because I also have so many medical problems. I am afraid I will be sitting in one of these groups doing a silly activity and I am going to have an attack of pain or something. And it just won\'t work out. The last time they thought I was having a stroke because I had just had my first one a few weeks before and I was having such a bad headache my blood pressure was 200/100 and they sent me to the hospital. That was how my stay ended. I am just afraid. Very very afraid. Please I\'m scared of it all. Nothing good ever came out of these programs for me.
Although I think you may be right, I need to do something silly. Just let my hair down. My husband is taking me to Atlantic City, NJ next week. Maybe I can find silly there. Maybe I will find my husband there.
\'Maybe I will find my husband there\'
look hard and let him look hard too.... you will see in each other the people you are missing. They\'re still there.
Have Fun!