I have waited the weekend to write again, hoping that I would feel different about everything. I had a disappointing conversation with the man I thought I loved the most in this world.
It took everything I had inside me to tell my husband that when the pain gets bad, I feel hopeless and suicidal. That a voice inside me says that every one in my life would be better off if only I were dead.
I told him that he could get a new and better wife. Some one who is never in pain , can work, have sex and have babies. He stared at me with this stupid look on his face and all I could think of was he wanted to get back to his newspaper and coffee.
After I poured my guts out, all he said was I don't want a new wife. I just stood up and said this is stupid. I went to my bedroom and hid under the covers for the day. I didn't know what else to say to him or what else to do.
He is being so cold to me. I tried to be sexual for him, like maybe that would do something for us. But he made me feel like a piece of meat and how I was feeling didn't matter. And I wonder if he still loves me. Because I don't feel loved.
I understand that some one telling you they feel suicidal is hard to hear and handle and maybe you doesn't know what to do. But come one, would a hug been too much to ask. He didn't even check on me. I just cried and cried by myself. I had nothing to drink I would have taken a klonopin. I was afraid to leave the room. Sometimes my room is just the ONLY place I feel good.
It took everything I had inside me to tell my husband that when the pain gets bad, I feel hopeless and suicidal. That a voice inside me says that every one in my life would be better off if only I were dead.
I told him that he could get a new and better wife. Some one who is never in pain , can work, have sex and have babies. He stared at me with this stupid look on his face and all I could think of was he wanted to get back to his newspaper and coffee.
After I poured my guts out, all he said was I don't want a new wife. I just stood up and said this is stupid. I went to my bedroom and hid under the covers for the day. I didn't know what else to say to him or what else to do.
He is being so cold to me. I tried to be sexual for him, like maybe that would do something for us. But he made me feel like a piece of meat and how I was feeling didn't matter. And I wonder if he still loves me. Because I don't feel loved.
I understand that some one telling you they feel suicidal is hard to hear and handle and maybe you doesn't know what to do. But come one, would a hug been too much to ask. He didn't even check on me. I just cried and cried by myself. I had nothing to drink I would have taken a klonopin. I was afraid to leave the room. Sometimes my room is just the ONLY place I feel good.
Replies
I am so sorry that your husband responded in such a manner. Can you tell him what you need him to do/how to act? My husband is depressed, and I want to help but have no idea how to do it, even though I have suffered from depression for 14 years.
I tried to tell him later what I needed and he looked at me like I had sprouted two heads. He is not good with emotion on a good day. He used to be. I used to know everything he was feeling and he made me feel so good. Now, I don\'t know.
sometimes men don\'t know how to respond and they never realize they just need to hold you and tell you its ok to feel upset. tell him that a hug does so much