My mind won't stop. I can hear my thoughts racing and it is driving me crazy. I even tried listening to headphones to see if I could drown the sound out. It didn't work.
I keep thinking about what my counselor wanted me to think about this week, what is different about now and making me feel so bad than a year ago when I was handling things better. I've come up with two things.
1) I think I used to have more faith in my husband. Now I am so afraid. He works all the time and I barely see him. And when I say he works a lot, I don't just mean sometimes. I mean everyday he goes in early and everyday he comes home after 10 PM. I am lonely and when I ask him to work less he says he can't. It makes me feel unimportant. He works more and more and I feel like less and less. I am afraid my marriage will end.
2) I don't know why but I have become stuck on the rape issue again. I am stuck thinking it is my fault and I am back playing the blame game again. I could have done this and should have done that. I don't know why it is so important and why I can't get passed it, but it is bothering me and causing me great anxiety,
When I combine these two issues with my physical pain things just seem overwhelming. like I can't handle them and that is when I start feeling like giving up and giving in. There feels like there is nothing there. No hope. I am struggling because I really feel like I should have this conversation with my husband about two separate people mentioning psychiatric hospitals. I want him to know that this is important. Maybe he would realize it is more that me just nagging him. But I can't. I am ashamed of being broken and I want him to think I am ok. Again, I don't know what to do.
I keep thinking about what my counselor wanted me to think about this week, what is different about now and making me feel so bad than a year ago when I was handling things better. I've come up with two things.
1) I think I used to have more faith in my husband. Now I am so afraid. He works all the time and I barely see him. And when I say he works a lot, I don't just mean sometimes. I mean everyday he goes in early and everyday he comes home after 10 PM. I am lonely and when I ask him to work less he says he can't. It makes me feel unimportant. He works more and more and I feel like less and less. I am afraid my marriage will end.
2) I don't know why but I have become stuck on the rape issue again. I am stuck thinking it is my fault and I am back playing the blame game again. I could have done this and should have done that. I don't know why it is so important and why I can't get passed it, but it is bothering me and causing me great anxiety,
When I combine these two issues with my physical pain things just seem overwhelming. like I can't handle them and that is when I start feeling like giving up and giving in. There feels like there is nothing there. No hope. I am struggling because I really feel like I should have this conversation with my husband about two separate people mentioning psychiatric hospitals. I want him to know that this is important. Maybe he would realize it is more that me just nagging him. But I can't. I am ashamed of being broken and I want him to think I am ok. Again, I don't know what to do.
Replies
Do what is best for you. You have to do it for yourself. Don\'t do it for him or for anyone else. Its about you. Its not selfish. There is no shame its just doing what you have to do to get better.
What Harbinger said. You have to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of anyone else. Don\'t worry about upsetting your husband, just be honest with him. He may surprise you. Good luck!