worries...

Monday we have a probation hearing. How can I watch him go through that again? The probation violation is for charges from 2010.. not even about the most current charges. They offered a deal... take the violation of probation (a max 5 years flat) and all charges will be waived. I don't know if that is such a deal. He's being accused of robbery and sex assault. He swears he didn't rob anyone. He went to the home of his child and got into a fight with his kid's mother. He was let inside but her statement tells that he pushed his way inside and during the fight he touched a body part inappropriately. Both he says are lies. I believe him. I don't know how to help him. he has a lawyer that is bent on crucifying him. Its too late to fire him from what my boyfriend says. He thinks he is guilty of everything...though he says he will represent him to get the least itme... we started a payment plan in october last year... the lawyer now wants to settle the bill in the next day or so... we still owe thousands on the retainer... its all crashing down on me. I almost died a week ago. I had a seizure. It was just my boyfriend and daughter. I was convulsing and my eyes rolled int he back of my head. I don't remember anything except the dark abyss of nothing... no worries. no cares..no feelings. nothing... I wanted it. my boyfirend says he couldn't get me to come back... he tried for several minutes and then I finally started breathing and choking on water... I lost my place to live because of all the cop action we had there last year.. now my kids have to live with my parents while I help my boyfriend with court costs and fees and also try to find a new place. My credit is crap. No one wants to rent to me. My dad is trying to help be the cosigner but once they see my credit its all over... I had some rough patches and I'm trying to make all that better but all this drama and bad negative stuff keeps coming my way... I'm stuck in the middle and feel like my body and arms are being pulled on in both directions till I snap and break apart.... I don't know what to do.. I feel so much pressure and fear and heartbreak...He's still here yet I am crying and fearing monday... what happens when I have to see him go away again... this time, there's no way to get him back... he was depressed after 5 months beingh there.... what will happen to him...to us... if he's there 5 years....