pain...

I feel a whole new measure of pain. Pain of the heart. Mine is breaking in pieces each day I don't hear anything from the man I love. I'd do anything to get him out of there but so far I haven't been able to do anything. I cry every day. I wait for a letter or a call from him but still nothing. He promised he'd write. He's been there since last tuesday morning. I have sent him three letters. today I'm sending him another one. This hurts so bad I can't stop crying and thinking about him. Wondering what is happening. Worrying about him. His things are all in my house. His computer. His blanket. His clothes. His weight bench. Everything that he owns..I look at it every day and I cry missing him. Its unbearable. It takes all I have to get out of bed every day. This is worse than grieving for a loved one. This is torture. He is alive but I can't connect with him. No one will help me get to him. I send letters that he isn't answering. I wonder if he is alright. Everything hurts. I'm slowly falling apart but inch by inch I feel the pain so hard and true. an endless stream of tears. My best friend in the whole world is in jail. My lover. I'm lost without him. I can't find any happiness. No day is normal. There hasn't been one day that I haven't cried to my heart's content. This is what my life is going to be now? This is so painful I can't bear it! I'm going to wait and wait... I'll be there for my love at his court dates but not to be able to talk to him is killing me. I can't go without seeing him. I get the system in the facilities is slow but he should have been given paper and pencil by now. He knows how I am and how much he means to me. Why does this have to hurt so bad?