im so depressed. its not just becuz i miss her. its everything. i miss my kids. i miss putting them to bed at night, waking them up in the morning. i hate being alone every day and every night. i need a friend to hang out with, to talk to. i have family but thats different. i havent had any motivation to find a job since my other job shut down. im staying at my parents and my aunts houses. i dont want to, but i also dont want to live alone either. i have not felt good the past month. i get up and try to do something and i start getting dizzy and light headed. i know im not sick, i feel fine. i know i cant keep going on like this. but when i try i get to feeling bad and have to lay down. even just sitting here typing this i lose interest and start feeling sick. her boyfriend is going around telling every one i threatened to kill his kid and i sliced his truck tires. if they want me out of the picture, why do they keep saying crap about me and causing trouble? i was doing ok until i heard about what they were saying. i know what they are telling people is not true, but the people they are telling this to believe it. i dont ask for much out of life. i just want life to stop kicking me in the nuts. i just want to wake up one day and nothing go wrong, nothing to make me feel bad, nothing to make me cry. i want to wake up and smile. wake up and be happy for a change. but no, never fails. when i start to feel ok, and things are looking up. crap hits the fan and blows up in my face and brings me back down. shoves me back to where i started. i try and try and try. im to the point i dont want to try anymore. why does it matter, why does anything matter?