Stuff????
Not quite sure how I feel somehow, at least today any way. Can't really explain it either.
Things are settling as far as dads affairs. There will still be his final tax to do but at some point, don't feel like I want to tackle that right now, all the slips, forms & what not. I think better to wait till I feel like going there.
Feeling not too bad most of the time. I did have a what I call a skin flare several days back & it was abt a day and half after taking my methotrexate injection. I'm really starting to agree with my reflexologist in that she says she feels that its really my bodies way of shedding emotional stress. A lot of times lately she's always picking up tension and/or stress & stuff related to my adrenal system. But even when that is happening I make sure that I remember & acknowledge that I'm blessed with it being just a skin issue & there is no organ problems at all.
Haven't had regular interaction/conversations with my siblings & there's part of me that either feels I need to or want to keep them at a bit of arms length-how strange is that. After me & my two sisters took my dads model plane collection to our aviation museum I suggested coffee & a treat at this little neighborhood bakery cafe. It was a glorious day, we're sitting at a little outdoor table in an old neighborhood, just overall quaint, glorious blue sky, etc. etc. Well I would of been better off by myself. I was with two space cadets, two bundles of tension, two that couldn't just take in the moment, the people, the birds & squirrels, the day the Lord gifted us with. I was so disappointed afterwards, really felt like they need to seriously take a look at their lives & what really really matters. Talk abt being with two gray cloud people!
Am I a bit strange here???????????? It sort of drove home how having strong faith in the Lord grounding my life it's given me the ability to see life on a whole diff level fr most regular people. Oh well I think I've rambled on enough abt this aspect. I'll walk the path of this part of life as it's presented to me.
I see my rheumy in a couple of wks. That's always an interesting event. I still want to try to go permanently off the methotrexate but it might be a hard sell. BUT, I do think I've gained 2 lbs back & hopefully that can at least make him see a more positive picture. At least most of the time he's willing to at least listen to my thoughts & questions on stuff.
Hubby has his regular check up at the cancer clinic in a wk & for some reason there's a part of me that is just TOTALLY TERRIFIED, like I don't want to face it right now. I know I'm grounded in faith & I'm asking the Lord to walk us thru this but that ugly character "fear" is so trying to take hold of me. It just seems to flare at a moments notice then I can stop & chase it away but geez I don't really understand why I've got this fear. I've been so solid abt this for some time now.
Well, here we are. I think I'll sign off for now before I start babbling without making sense.
Love you all my dear dear friends.
Things are settling as far as dads affairs. There will still be his final tax to do but at some point, don't feel like I want to tackle that right now, all the slips, forms & what not. I think better to wait till I feel like going there.
Feeling not too bad most of the time. I did have a what I call a skin flare several days back & it was abt a day and half after taking my methotrexate injection. I'm really starting to agree with my reflexologist in that she says she feels that its really my bodies way of shedding emotional stress. A lot of times lately she's always picking up tension and/or stress & stuff related to my adrenal system. But even when that is happening I make sure that I remember & acknowledge that I'm blessed with it being just a skin issue & there is no organ problems at all.
Haven't had regular interaction/conversations with my siblings & there's part of me that either feels I need to or want to keep them at a bit of arms length-how strange is that. After me & my two sisters took my dads model plane collection to our aviation museum I suggested coffee & a treat at this little neighborhood bakery cafe. It was a glorious day, we're sitting at a little outdoor table in an old neighborhood, just overall quaint, glorious blue sky, etc. etc. Well I would of been better off by myself. I was with two space cadets, two bundles of tension, two that couldn't just take in the moment, the people, the birds & squirrels, the day the Lord gifted us with. I was so disappointed afterwards, really felt like they need to seriously take a look at their lives & what really really matters. Talk abt being with two gray cloud people!
Am I a bit strange here???????????? It sort of drove home how having strong faith in the Lord grounding my life it's given me the ability to see life on a whole diff level fr most regular people. Oh well I think I've rambled on enough abt this aspect. I'll walk the path of this part of life as it's presented to me.
I see my rheumy in a couple of wks. That's always an interesting event. I still want to try to go permanently off the methotrexate but it might be a hard sell. BUT, I do think I've gained 2 lbs back & hopefully that can at least make him see a more positive picture. At least most of the time he's willing to at least listen to my thoughts & questions on stuff.
Hubby has his regular check up at the cancer clinic in a wk & for some reason there's a part of me that is just TOTALLY TERRIFIED, like I don't want to face it right now. I know I'm grounded in faith & I'm asking the Lord to walk us thru this but that ugly character "fear" is so trying to take hold of me. It just seems to flare at a moments notice then I can stop & chase it away but geez I don't really understand why I've got this fear. I've been so solid abt this for some time now.
Well, here we are. I think I'll sign off for now before I start babbling without making sense.
Love you all my dear dear friends.
Replies
Hi Kitty,
You Will Most Certainly Be In My Thoughts & Prayers.
Love Ya, Barbara
You have been way to much. Praying for you and Mel that all will go well. May you find joy in the morning. Love you from the moon and back again.
~Frieda~
I think you\'ve done so much about your dad, you sure do need to pause and recharge. That skin flare sounds like a total reaction to the past few weeks for you. Prayers and hugs for you and your hubbie..... xxoo
I\'d be sitting in that outdoor cafe with you, look at the people, the clouds, feeling the sunshine and gentle breezes....so sad people really can\'t stop and smell the roses. Their loss, their choice. Just happy you enjoyed it for YOU.
I understand how you feel about siblings and when and if to spend time with them. Sometimes I feel like you did, when I am trying so hard to be positive, then other times, I am sure I am the one with the gray cloud. Some people bring out the \"vent\" in me, since there aren\'t too many people I would vent with. Still, I guess there is a time and place for everything though, right?
I know that stabbing fear you have too. Joyce Meyer says to \"do it afraid\" and it can be hard to get rid of the feeling though. I used to tell myself, while awaiting test results, that I would be darn mad at myself if I\'d found out I was OK and had wasted all the time panicking. Doesn\'t stop me from repeating it, unfortunately. Sigh. Hang in there and keep praying. : ) God will be with you!
I\'m praying you get some good answers about the mtx and everything else too! xoxo, m