what now?

Does anyone else wonder what's next?  
 
My DH and I have agreed to not make any decisions until after the New Year.  I know that I am not emotionally ready to decide, nor am I healthy enough physically or mentally to go through another round of IVF.  
 
Regardless, I live every day in fear.  What if I do IVF again and it doesn't work?  what if I get pregnant and I miscarry again?  
 
what if I really will never have a baby?
 
all unproductive thoughts, but so very real nevertheless.   I am terrified.  scared to the point that sometimes I cannot breath.
tomorrow makes only two weeks since I love our baby.  it feels like 5 minutes and it feels like a million years.  will be heart every feel normal again?  will I ever be able to laugh without immediately wanting to cry right after?
 
 

Replies

HopefulinNYC
HopefulinNYC

I would guess you speak for most of us, but I know definitely for me. I could have written this journal. I think most if not all, of us who suffer with IF live in fear of \"what\'s next\" and the fear of how or when or if we\'ll have a baby. It\'s so heartbreaking. Please know I\'m here for you during this tough time. Big hugs
bgs4444
bgs4444

Likewise, I am here for you. thank you xoxoxo
PolkaDotGirl
PolkaDotGirl

I\'m sorry you even have these thoughts. IF is so fucking unfair. Thinking about you!