Thursday
or otherwise known as "Id be 8 weeks today"
I know that is destructive thinking, and i am trying....but there are moments I can't help it.
I laughed today in the car at something on the radio. and after I laughed, I cried. Because I don't know how to be fully happy anymore.
One hour at a time.
I know that is destructive thinking, and i am trying....but there are moments I can't help it.
I laughed today in the car at something on the radio. and after I laughed, I cried. Because I don't know how to be fully happy anymore.
One hour at a time.
Replies
I totally understand. I am glad you laughed for even a moment, they will come more and more frequently- I promise.
Sending you big hugs love. Like Orriginal said you will laugh again and one day your laughter will not be followed by tears. XO
I\'m sorry friend. Thinking of you!!
The one hour at a time plan is good, I think its the only way we can get through this rough time. I don\'t know how to avoid the \"I\'d be xxx weeks today\" thinking but I agree it\'s probably destructive.....DH gives me a look when I say it and tells me I\'m torturing myself. I know he\'s right but its sooo hard not to think that way. Sending you peaceful, loving thoughts xo
I agree, it is so hard not to have those thoughts. I remember the sheer pain in my heart of having to cross my first prenatal appointment off in my planner.
And when that day arrived knowing what kind of day it \"should\" have been.
For all the criticizing we may do of men :) for not being as verbal as women, etc......in some ways they don\'t do the self-destructive things that we (women) do.
Because I carry a torch for all of these \"should be\" milestone dates and anniversary dates....and \"we should have a baby in our arms right now\".
But as crushed as my husband was when the loss occurred......and granted he recognizes it\'s different for women because we carried those little lives in our bodies......he recognizes that it\'s not useful to do the \"should have been\" thing that I do. So he just doesn\'t go there in his own mind.
My acupuncturist said something similar to me. Not that he was trying to be insensitive.....he said it very gently to me......at one point he said \"but if you were supposed to be pregnant right now...you would be\".
That is the only thing that gets me out of my downward spirals that still happen months later. Is knowing there is a purpose to everything.
I don\'t expect you to be pulling yourself out of a downward spiral right now. The loss is so recent.
But it warmed my heart to hear that you laughed out loud in your car :) And I know how easily from experience that laughter can give way to tears.
I sometimes still find myself having an automatic crying reaction after sex. Because sex is cathartic and it can bring out emotions that need to come out.
I agree. One hour at a time. Someone once told me when I was in a dark place----and if one hour becomes too much---then you take it one minute at a time and if one minute becomes too much---you take it one moment at a time.
Thinking of you.
you girls are amazing. and i know what you say is right. I canceled my acupuncture appts thru the rest of the month and will pick back up in November. i know i will have a break down when I see him (he was SUCH a huge part of my IVF process) and I dread that moment. I am going to see my new therapist on Monday - I hope that I can find some peace after going to see her for a few a sessions. Today was a really hard morning - and I have to allow it to come and go and just keep breathing.