I'm ready for the low moments to pass. I'm tired of waking up every day and feeling all these 'blah' emotions. I've had a headache for more than a week now, and I know they could be part of the anxiety. But, damnit, I'm taking my medication every day, so why am I still getting headaches. They totally dabilitate me, and I can't even function. As I sit here writing this, my head hurts. It's not even my head... it's my eyes... or behind my eyes. Like, just to have my eyes open hurts me.

I really just want the good days back. It's moments (weeks) like these that make me reminiscent of past memories. It's a viscious circle. I think about my past relationships, and that makes me wish for new relationships, but I get down on myself and my weight and how it inhibits me and that reminds me of my past relationships... because in the past I was who I wanted to be. Now, I feel like my appearance characterizes me. I hate eating in front of strangers. I feel like they are all looking at me thinking, "of course she's eating pasta (or cookies, or chips, or candy) - no wonder she's fat!" I hate it. I just wanna lose weight and get fit again. I want to be able to chase my kids around without losing my breath so quickly.

**SIGH** I'm just putting one foot in front of the other... I hope that helps. :/