Missed most of yesterday because I just couldn't sleep Wednesday night. Found out that an old friend had passed away on Monday. Could this get any crazier/worse? Yes, it seems. I got a message shortly thereafter that another close friend was facing tests for testicular cancer. This in addition to another longtime friend who's seeing a cardiologist for his enlarged heart.   Too much. Just too much. Every time I tried to go to sleep Wednesday my brain wouldn't shut up. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, worked. I finally fell asleep, exhausted, around 7:00 in the morning. Then I had some pretty terrible nightmares, one of which involved watching my girlfriend die, then, as I was leaving the hotel/area where we had been staying after her death, being threatened with rape myself.   So I'm just acknowledging that my emotions and my life are too much right now. Anything I can do for myself is going to have to be enough. I can't beat myself up for what I can't or don't do. If I do something, it's enough. I just hope I get through this phase of my life sane.