4 on the floor - and what's my hangup?
Hey, Friday night didn't faze me at all. Day 4, over and out. Now today I have a funeral to attend, and a concert in a bar this evening. All bridges to cross when I get to them and my confidence is high, mood fantastic.
The thing that I feel the strangest about is telling the people in these situations that I'm not drinking. It's like telling them I'm having a sex change operation - they'll be so shocked! I feel compelled to make up some kind of excuse, and the one I picked for this evening is that I'm starting the Whole30 cleanse; I have given up sugar, caffeine, alcohol, salt, carbs and will be living off raw nuts, berries and water for the next month.
Actually, I quit sugar and simple carbs prior to my alcohol quit, because I feel like it's linked to cravings. It was a nutritional pre-game warm up, and I feel really good. I'm also supplementing with a good B-Complex and L-glutamine powder. And lemon water. But that's all beside the point.
The point is, I'm embarrassed to admit to anyone that I think I drink too much, too often, and can't seem to put the brakes on when I drink. It was hard enough to admit it to myself, really hard to admit to my husband (also a heavy drinker and semi-dry right now). And I think I'm figuring out why...
Because I so staunchly defended my drinking habits in the past. Hell, I was an advocate of binge drinking. Think of peer-pressure, and think of me as the Peer. That's the reality of it.
That's how we grew up in my small Wisconsin town; if you didn't drink, you were just not fun. You were the odd one out. And if you didn't keep up, beer for beer, you needed more practice. Didn't matter if you puked somewhere during the binge, that was just making room for more.
My defenses kicked in hard when I moved to Minnesota - a beautiful state but square as hell when it comes to alcohol, especially compared to it's inebriated neighbor. For instance, do you know you can't buy alcohol in grocery stores or gas stations here? You can't buy alcohol on Sundays? Is that nuts or what? I mean, forget that Minnesota is the Treatment Capitol of the Midwest, those of us without a problem should be able to buy a freakin' bottle of wine on a Sunday. To do that, we have to hike over the river to Hudson Wisconsin.
When I moved here, I had to actually seek out others who could relate to drinking every day, and doubly on the weekend. I found them at bars, of course. But during the days, at work, I learned quickly that the natives in this state looked cockeyed at me if I talked about how many glasses of wine I'd have at night, at home, before, during and after dinner.
That really was my first inkling that maybe, just maybe, this sort behavior wasn't the norm.
I crushed that inkling out of existence by insisting that, no, Minnesotans were just anti-booze snobs who had a healthier-than-thou attitude. Minnesota was the odd state out, the wimp state with a backwards attitude. I have signed petition after petition every year when it comes up for discussion to allow liquor stores to be open on Sundays, or to sell beer and wine in the grocery stores. How can such a progressive state be so stunted on this subject?
To admit that my drinking is in any way problematic is like admitting that I've been so wrong, for so long, and that way too many people now have the right to say "I TOLD you so!"
The thing that I feel the strangest about is telling the people in these situations that I'm not drinking. It's like telling them I'm having a sex change operation - they'll be so shocked! I feel compelled to make up some kind of excuse, and the one I picked for this evening is that I'm starting the Whole30 cleanse; I have given up sugar, caffeine, alcohol, salt, carbs and will be living off raw nuts, berries and water for the next month.
Actually, I quit sugar and simple carbs prior to my alcohol quit, because I feel like it's linked to cravings. It was a nutritional pre-game warm up, and I feel really good. I'm also supplementing with a good B-Complex and L-glutamine powder. And lemon water. But that's all beside the point.
The point is, I'm embarrassed to admit to anyone that I think I drink too much, too often, and can't seem to put the brakes on when I drink. It was hard enough to admit it to myself, really hard to admit to my husband (also a heavy drinker and semi-dry right now). And I think I'm figuring out why...
Because I so staunchly defended my drinking habits in the past. Hell, I was an advocate of binge drinking. Think of peer-pressure, and think of me as the Peer. That's the reality of it.
That's how we grew up in my small Wisconsin town; if you didn't drink, you were just not fun. You were the odd one out. And if you didn't keep up, beer for beer, you needed more practice. Didn't matter if you puked somewhere during the binge, that was just making room for more.
My defenses kicked in hard when I moved to Minnesota - a beautiful state but square as hell when it comes to alcohol, especially compared to it's inebriated neighbor. For instance, do you know you can't buy alcohol in grocery stores or gas stations here? You can't buy alcohol on Sundays? Is that nuts or what? I mean, forget that Minnesota is the Treatment Capitol of the Midwest, those of us without a problem should be able to buy a freakin' bottle of wine on a Sunday. To do that, we have to hike over the river to Hudson Wisconsin.
When I moved here, I had to actually seek out others who could relate to drinking every day, and doubly on the weekend. I found them at bars, of course. But during the days, at work, I learned quickly that the natives in this state looked cockeyed at me if I talked about how many glasses of wine I'd have at night, at home, before, during and after dinner.
That really was my first inkling that maybe, just maybe, this sort behavior wasn't the norm.
I crushed that inkling out of existence by insisting that, no, Minnesotans were just anti-booze snobs who had a healthier-than-thou attitude. Minnesota was the odd state out, the wimp state with a backwards attitude. I have signed petition after petition every year when it comes up for discussion to allow liquor stores to be open on Sundays, or to sell beer and wine in the grocery stores. How can such a progressive state be so stunted on this subject?
To admit that my drinking is in any way problematic is like admitting that I've been so wrong, for so long, and that way too many people now have the right to say "I TOLD you so!"
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