4 more days
lets see so its wat.....april 19th? so that means 4 more days right, 4 more till april 23. god damn i dont think i'm strong enough to deal with that day agin, i'm so tired, i'm so ready to just give up. i cant belive its already been almost a whole year. 361 days since i found out about bp. 361 days since i was able to finaly put a name to my moms derpession, and stop blameing myself for it. i hate how adults tryed to protect me, its like they thought that if i didnt realy know what was wrong with my mom then i just wouldnt notice it or something. bull shit. i noticed plenty the only diffrence was that i was left trying to figure out why she was that way myself and i came up with all the wrong anserws. i blamed myself for years, i thought i was the reason my mommy was so sad all the time. oh yeah sure ignorence is blissBULL SHIT everythings comeing full circle, 4 more days. i'm welcoming it and dreading it at the same time. i want to both hide from and embrace april 23, its almost like i want to test myself. i want to see if i can hadle it. maybe i need to make sure the world wont explode on april 23. idk i'm just so confused, im not even sure what im feeling right now. all i know is that i really want my bf right now, i want to feel safe agin. i'm craving a kind of security that i'll never have. i really miss my mom
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Laura. I remember when I lived at home with my mom. She had my brother when I was almost 13. Now he\'s almost 13, and he was diagnosed with BD when he was just 6. I helped raise him. His dad wouldn\'t do crap to help, so it was just me and my mom. His dad was abusive. My mom was with him for 17 years. He was Bipolar too, but we didn\'t know. When I was 19 I moved out because I couldn\'t handle my mom anymore. She was freaking out all the time. We got in yelling matches, and physical fights. I thought she was Bipolar too. It turns out that when I left, my mom finally decided to leave my bro\'s dad. And when she did, she sought help for herself. It turns out that my mom is not Bipolar. My brother is though, and living with a grown man that didn\'t medicate himself made her crazy. Several years later, my brother is struggling. I am so scared for him. I live far away now, and my mom has been his support. I think I told you all this cuz I might have an idea about what you\'re feeling. hang in there. I never thought I\'d make it. I thought my mom was nuts and that we would never be able to talk without fighting. I talked to her for three hours today! And you know what? A lot of the time she actually listens to me and helps me with my problems! I never thought I\'d see that day.
I know just what it\'s like for anniversary dates of something horrible, july 1st is the day I had to watch the police handcuff my wife and take her to the hospital and unvoluntary commit her because she wouldn\'t go herself, every year I wonder will I ever have to do that again, summertime is not good for her anyway, but stay strong, that day will come and go but it won\'t change the matter at hand, just keep strong and remember that I and everyone here are proud of you for what you do for your mom, and stay strong!, you are not alone
I was sheltered from my mum\'s bp growing up to some extent, but I knew she wasn\'t right. She didn\'t behave the way the other mums did, she didn\'t seem to be aware of me half the time. It is easier to have a diagnosis, at least then you can try to understand.
Yep, I have a shitty anniversary too - My daughters 1st birthday my mum was sectioned, for the 2nd time in 10 months. I cannot help but think, each year, how my daughters 1st birthday was marred by the social worker coming round to tell me.