4 months of Sobriety Gone.

Where was my self control yesterday... when I needed it the most. I would of been proud of myself if I didn't give in, if I was strong enough to stop myself.

Today is Tuesday, on Sunday I thought about it, on Monday I was relentless. I wrote him, created an opportunity, and damn near put myself in a position of failure. It's like I reach this scary part of me that will always win, after the foolish/weak part of me let's it take over. It's like I tell myself, I know I shouldn't but I am!!! Knowing that once I open that door, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. It's like I tell the good part of me to shutup!  It's in that hour of temptation, that opportunity (self-made opportunity), it's in the hour of just not giving a F, it's in that hour of just complete selfishness!!

Yesterday I cheated on my bf (again)... I broke my New Year's Resoultion of being faithful and true to him. I was 4months strong... but yesterday I had the urge, and I lost the battle. God tested me and I failed (once again).

It's been like the 6th or 7th time now with the same guy (my ex/childhood friend)

I just wanna stop! I want to be strong enough to stop.