4 BLOODY DAYS NOW! *Trigger*
I'm really upset this morning and I know I shouldn't be. I still want to recover although after Monday I've found it hard to remain determined to fight this. But despite this I'm just so angry with myself and upset because I've stayed at the same weight for 4 days now. I feel stupid, angry, upset, a failure, weak...I just want it to go down! I've managed to cope every day with seeing that the numbers havn't gone down and today I've just freaked.I'm so sick of this! I know these feelings are wrong, but if I could stop them by myself I wouldn't be Anorexic now. It feels like since Monday, I HAVE to lose more weight to cover up what happened. It feels like that will make it better. Like pulling a blanket over my head. I exposed some thoughts that made me feel vunerable and so now I need to lose weight to feel in control of it all again. I don't know if that wil make sense to any of you but it does to me.I've got the second part of my assessment today with the psychiatrist/psychologist (can't remember what she is). The dietician looked mainly at my physical state, she's going to look at my mental state. Good luck to her.After that, they'll both meet and discuss what the plan of action is with me. I'll get the feedback on Monday.
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It must be very hard ebing in limbo land like this, once you are in IP eating will be priority to begin with and once you have managed to get yourself out of physical danger they will start the therapy, this triggering now with outpatient therapy is not very helpful, hopefully everything will be resolved quickly. We had the same thing, my daughter had to do cognitive therapy for ages and didn;t hear a word! Dont worry all is going to be managed as IP and you will be fine just hang in there. xxxx