4 BLOODY DAYS NOW! *Trigger*
I'm really upset this morning and I know I shouldn't be. I still want to recover although after Monday I've found it hard to remain determined to fight this. But despite this I'm just so angry with myself and upset because I've stayed at the same weight for 4 days now. I feel stupid, angry, upset, a failure, weak...I just want it to go down! I've managed to cope every day with seeing that the numbers havn't gone down and today I've just freaked.I'm so sick of this! I know these feelings are wrong, but if I could stop them by myself I wouldn't be Anorexic now. It feels like since Monday, I HAVE to lose more weight to cover up what happened. It feels like that will make it better. Like pulling a blanket over my head. I exposed some thoughts that made me feel vunerable and so now I need to lose weight to feel in control of it all again. I don't know if that wil make sense to any of you but it does to me.I've got the second part of my assessment today with the psychiatrist/psychologist (can't remember what she is). The dietician looked mainly at my physical state, she's going to look at my mental state. Good luck to her.After that, they'll both meet and discuss what the plan of action is with me. I'll get the feedback on Monday.
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