4/23/11

Wow, um I can't believe its been over a year since I've been on here...Alot has happened since Nov. 09, then again alot hasn't happened.  I'm glad I kept those old journals though, I haven't re-read through them but I know I hadn't really even started going to doctors yet.
A few good things happened in 2010 after those posts.  I finally did get my wrist surgery I was writing about so much and needed badly.  I actually had 2 surgeries, one in June and one in October.  The first was to release my arm so it was looser again and would hang down.  That surgery went well and my surgeon was one of the best in NJ for CP.  Now my left arm is much looser, but still gets tight at times.
The second surgery was a wrist fusion so my left hand would stop bending outward, downside is its in a fixed position but it really was before anyway so its not much different.  But the bending has stopped which is great because I had no control of when it would bend outward.  So as for my CP it is much better, and as for now I'm not having anymore surgeries because really the recovery was pretty much all of 2010, and I don't feel like being down another year.  I want to get back to life or what life is lol.
As for Melissa, who I posted about alot in my previous journals.  She is out of my life now.  She still works at the park, and I still live near the park but I haven't returned to work there since I was laidoff.  Frankly I'm still peeved when I think about it and how it ended and what she did to me.  But that part of my life is done and buried, and I probably won't even visit that park until she leaves the job.
I had never ever felt that way about a woman in my life, that had to be love I felt. I thought I had felt love before, but that was far and away more then I had ever felt.  I'm glad that part of my life is over, and I'm over it.  I had heard just ignoring the person works, I guess it true, since I left I have had no feelings for her.
Anyway, as for now I'm unemployed from the surgery recovery, but I'm fully healed now and plan to start job hunting again soon, or doing something with my time.  I have not returned to the park to work, nor will I.  I spend my time now working on Photoshop portraits or digital art.  That and watching sports, playing b-ball, most of the same things I did a year ago, I guess thats one of the things that haven't changed are my hobbies.  
I suppose I'll find my way someday in his life.  Sorry for the depth here, but if you read my journals you know how I am lol.  I like to express my thoughts through writing and art.  That's about the update for any of my friends still on here, though I see most are gone...
Only other thing to post maybe in terms of my romantic thoughts and what happened with Melissa.  I haven't fallen for a woman in over a year, but I might have at the least feelings for a new neighbor of mine.  Pretty sure there's no chance other then hanging out with her as friends.  Mainly because she's divorced with 4 kids lol...
Its tough, love really does know no bounds I guess.  Its weird, if I see an attractive woman I'll think she's good looking, or if I talk with her, she's nice.  But no thoughts of romance or love like with Melissa.  But then certain women come along and it hits me head on lol.  Very, very rarely though.  
Well my new neighbor I met her a few days ago and talked with her and she is so beautiful, and funny too.  Its hard I suppose, I see her alot with her kids outside. And most guys would think baggage, 4 kids, which financially and emotionally it is, but I don't think that way in terms of wealth alot, just the way I am.
I know nothing can happen really because of the circumstances, but love and romance is weird that way.  I just know I haven't felt this way since Melissa, but I'm trying not to think about her because other then saying hi or small talk I don't even hangout with her.  But maybe its the spring weather lol?  Rebirth and all.  All I know is when I see her I don't see 4 kids and baggage, I see a beautiful woman, more beautiful then anything around her, and then my heart sinks...
I'm going to try to put those feelings aside for now though, and maybe I can talk to her without those feelings interfering.  I'm an artsy type of guy though, a dreamer too, and I see beauty in alot of things and I see her.  Well I think I've written enough and gotten alot off my mind, hope everyone enjoys reading my journals and getting a peak into my mind, I don't think I'm too messed up...lol.
And to continue my song posting in relation to each journal...
Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RRtd4MJpzA

Replies

optimsitic
optimsitic

welcome back T, you were indeed missed and your indepth journals :) its good to see a old familiar face, since you are right alot of the regulars seem to have gone...
Booky63
Booky63

I have to agree with optimistic a lot of the regulars do seem to have gone. Nice to have you back.
1Patriciann
1Patriciann

Welcome back Its good to have you for a friend.

Im glad the surgeries helped some. Yes, recovery from such surgeries is a rough road and not one someone would seek to travel if it could be avoided. Im glad the CP is better and that you are now working at getting your life going again.

When we have a serious love in our lives there will always be a part of that we will carry with us. I hope the healing from the experience will be gentle with you and not leave any lasting scars. It takes time to heal when someone we trust and love harms us but in time we can work through it and find peace.

I have not as of yet read any of your other journal entries but any you would like me to read as your friend I will. Depth is good to have when doing a journal and processing lifes experiences it brings clarity and healing and allows us to focus on what needs to be done to improve life. Yes, our friends move on and we hope they are doing well but you would be amazed at how many return down the road so if you leave them a hug letting them know you have returned they may very well check in and drop you a hug in return. Also, you have new friends to be made as you continue your lifes journey and that sharing will be good.

When my husband and I married what made it last is we had been very best friends for over ten years. When the going got tough the friendship kept us together and allowed us to work hard at fixing the problems and getting back to sharing the love we had for each other. Your neighbor seems to someone that would make for a very good friend and who knows where that could lead down the road but having a good friendship will last for life where romantic love by itself is rarely lifelong in nature without the friendship to hold it together when the challenges of life get in the way.

Yes, spring weather and hormones are an amazing combination. Care needs to be taken for the heart can lead where the head would no better than to go. Have fun; be careful and enjoy life be the artsy guy dreamer and enjoy but be practical and careful when it comes to matters of the heart so that you will find happiness without being left hurt.

I loved this journal entry for it is filled with hope of a better life as you heal from the hurts of the past.

((hugs)) Patricia