3yrs 14 days
wow has it really been so long since i came on this website. have jus been readin some of my old posts ........ wot a journey i was goin on back their and i still am
3 yrs and 14 days sober one day at a time
bluddy elll.. seems like a lifetime but has gone so so fast.....
life is good. for the most part... their is a reason why i found this website again...
so wots goin on for me i ask myslef
whilst i am sober and that in itself is a bluddy miracle my mh is proper bad atm
mainly my eating disorder atm....
my eldest daughter caitlin had an operation bout 6 weeks back and whilst i had loads of support and help round me and i didnt drink wich is a miracle in itself i have found myslef to have lost over a stone in weight. bang jus like that.....
didnt notice it dropping off but when i weighed ma self sometime last week cus i suspected a weight loss i was horrified and also delighted.. makes sense to me.. i had been maintaining a healthy weight of 9 stone b4 for a few months. took a lot of hard work tho.... whilst i have an 'ed' i also struggle to keep weight on and maintain.... im one of those people who if they dont eat or in my case have a supplement drink the weight jus drops of too easily......
so currently am 7 stone 10. not good for my height of 5 ft 6.....
havent dared work out my bmi jus incase my muddled head likes it too much.
im a strange person. aint we all..
so many obstacles i have overcome over the past 3 yrs its jus a bluddy miracle....
i never thought i would get over the guilt and blame i flet for my eldest daughter being born with a severe birth defect and thru the help of my sponser i now realise it was NOT MY FAULT , if u had asked me that 2 yrs ago i would of been all self blame.... 100 %...... aa and my sponser has given me the freedom to realise this....
jus been on a lovely family holiday and i flew lol. never thought id be able to do this. so frightended of flying but have doen this now several times and whilst i can only fly for jus over 2 hrs so wot i can do this. have to have help tho with medication prescribed by my doctor.... buut that is ok for today..
as for my hallucinations i am gettin they are not nice and have been talking them thru with my sponser as to whever or not i need to go back to see my pyschiatrist. im scared she will put me on meds that i dont want... i am on medication atm prescribed by my pyschiatrist and whilst some in aa would frown on this so wot ... this is me and wot i need and wot had been prescribed by a medical pyschiatrist.. guess im scared she will put me on an anti pyschotic drug wich i have been on b4 and they jus numb you so much not sure i want this at all. but spose if i go see her and explain my fear she will listen to me and at end of day i dont have to take the meds she prescribes.... hmmmmmm... ive been handing this one over and waiting for an answer but none has come forth atm.... it will tho........
this is me for the mo
over and out xxxxxxx
3 yrs and 14 days sober one day at a time
bluddy elll.. seems like a lifetime but has gone so so fast.....
life is good. for the most part... their is a reason why i found this website again...
so wots goin on for me i ask myslef
whilst i am sober and that in itself is a bluddy miracle my mh is proper bad atm
mainly my eating disorder atm....
my eldest daughter caitlin had an operation bout 6 weeks back and whilst i had loads of support and help round me and i didnt drink wich is a miracle in itself i have found myslef to have lost over a stone in weight. bang jus like that.....
didnt notice it dropping off but when i weighed ma self sometime last week cus i suspected a weight loss i was horrified and also delighted.. makes sense to me.. i had been maintaining a healthy weight of 9 stone b4 for a few months. took a lot of hard work tho.... whilst i have an 'ed' i also struggle to keep weight on and maintain.... im one of those people who if they dont eat or in my case have a supplement drink the weight jus drops of too easily......
so currently am 7 stone 10. not good for my height of 5 ft 6.....
havent dared work out my bmi jus incase my muddled head likes it too much.
im a strange person. aint we all..
so many obstacles i have overcome over the past 3 yrs its jus a bluddy miracle....
i never thought i would get over the guilt and blame i flet for my eldest daughter being born with a severe birth defect and thru the help of my sponser i now realise it was NOT MY FAULT , if u had asked me that 2 yrs ago i would of been all self blame.... 100 %...... aa and my sponser has given me the freedom to realise this....
jus been on a lovely family holiday and i flew lol. never thought id be able to do this. so frightended of flying but have doen this now several times and whilst i can only fly for jus over 2 hrs so wot i can do this. have to have help tho with medication prescribed by my doctor.... buut that is ok for today..
as for my hallucinations i am gettin they are not nice and have been talking them thru with my sponser as to whever or not i need to go back to see my pyschiatrist. im scared she will put me on meds that i dont want... i am on medication atm prescribed by my pyschiatrist and whilst some in aa would frown on this so wot ... this is me and wot i need and wot had been prescribed by a medical pyschiatrist.. guess im scared she will put me on an anti pyschotic drug wich i have been on b4 and they jus numb you so much not sure i want this at all. but spose if i go see her and explain my fear she will listen to me and at end of day i dont have to take the meds she prescribes.... hmmmmmm... ive been handing this one over and waiting for an answer but none has come forth atm.... it will tho........
this is me for the mo
over and out xxxxxxx
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