3rd entry

today was very depressing as me and my wife texted some back and forth, long story short she said again how she doesnt feel the same as me and how she may never so i asked if she wanted to stay married and after that she never replied, i asked her cause its been almost 4 months since our separation and she hasnt been very clear and to me seems confused, im not trying to push her im just trying to see where her heads at, in all this time i have done many things to change and tomorrow ill be calling a place that may be able to help me with counseling even though i cant afford anything being that i have no income and hardly any spare time, i did apologize to her if i seemed pushy, im just trying to see where i stand, everyday is like living in hell for me, not sure if anyone can understand what i mean, not even sure my wife gets that either.

on the bright side, my saints went through, though temparary as it was im depressed again, of course i need help and im seeking it here and counseling and self help books, i just want her to give things a try even though she says she doesnt want to right now