I found this on a website. It really kind of hit me. The first two lines, I have never experienced with my spouse. The second thought about view points also has never been a luxery for me to have. He always would try to argue me down, express why he was right and I was wrong. In addition he would always tell me to back up what I was saying, because me just saying it wasn't good enough. Then he would rip apart any support I had. The third one doesn't apply so much, the fourth one definately applies, it took me a long time to admit that I was afraid of him, but I was ALWAYS afraid of causing fights. Accusation and blame, we do that to each other anymore, but he would always blame me for him holding me down, for him not succeeding at work, always talking about bachlorhood and singleship as if it were the holy grail. Fighting was always my fault, because of my failure to communicate. I was never free of criticism and judgement and because of that I have become so myself. The unhappy wife will criticize, it is like hey, this isn't right, and you are not paying attention to me any other way! Privacy, yeah, like not. He would browse the internet looking for things that I have done (I once visited a site were people look to hook up for sex or other wise because I was dealing with lonliness, seperation, and complete sexual dissatisfaction.) Now he uses it as an excuse to 'check up on me'. He refuses me any access to anything of his (we have had several fights from the months before getting married till now) and still expects to take care of all of my stuff. He can have his own office in the house, but my computer has to be out in the open. He can have a whole room and the garage, and I have nothing! Not to mention how angry he gets if I try to clean or otherwise invade any of these spaces!

And he tells me if I bring the subject of abuse up that I am the one abusing him and that I have no right to make those accusations!