Time does fly when school begins! In the last couple days my husband has effectively told me that his work is more important than mine, and it is my fault if he is not getting work done because I have to work on the weekends. In addition he is telling me that it will be my fault if he does not graduate on time. I wish I could just start over about 8 years ago and make that decision not to date him, to break up with him, to not get engaged, anything! Although I love my daughter, I still wish I had gone through with an abortion, even thought it is against my beliefs. The only reason I didn't is because my husband threatened my life (literally) if I did anything like that. I started a home one once, but couldn't go through with it. I was so afraid that he would find out that it wasn't a true miscarriage. I am so sick and tired of being the only trying put organization and cleanliness in the house. Don't get me wrong, he now does the dishes (omg!*sarcastic*) and his laundry (because he has to wear dirty underwear for like 5 days because I absolutely refused after 2 years to do it any longer). He also prohibits me from doing anything he considers a man's work, mowing the lawn, gutters, clipping, taking down the fence and trys to only let me do things inside the house. He controls the bills and money and whenever I have anything to say, it is I don't know what is going on and he goes on until I can't stand to hear anymore about how he is right. He has taken over my care maintence, not that he is spectacular about it, carrys the checkbook, and tries to force me to do whatever he does not want to do. The house stinks, there are toys everywhere, I have found food out and going bad because he simply did not want to put it away. Our bed sheets get changed maybe once every two months, if that because I am sick of being the only one doing it! and lydia's clothes! and her room! and her toys! and sorting through all the stuff so she doesn't drown in stuff so she has a place to play.  I don't feel like writing anymore, but my daughter is sick, 103 temps for the last couple days, but the temps finally broke today. She actually let me hold her for a little bit, only if daddy was gone. I swear I have done nothing but love this kid, but she treats me like I am the worst. I know she doesn't know any better, but that doesn't keep it from hurting. My husband now also is calling me paranoid, and I just told him that Ya think? How the heck do you think I got this way? It is amazing how much lighter I feel when he is not around, even when other things are weighing me down. Oh well, to find some form of exercise, that is my goal, with someone, although I don't know who...