Today was ok, worked 12 hours, then came back to the hotel. It's sort of like a vacation away from my life for awhile. Its so much easier coming back to a place where Bill and I had little in common since her never went on any of my business trips. I use to enjoy getting away for a few weeks here and a few weeks there. It was just like a mini vacation for me. The work is insane here, but then I have time to go swimming, sit in the bar and talk to people while waiting for my dinner to be prepared. It makes me feel at ease knowing there are so many people around. Not like at home when as I drive closer to home my hands start to sweat and I get so ansiuos. I don't think I have really excepted the truth. I keep waiting to wake the fuck up. I mean these are things bad dreams are made out of. Its now just a little over a month. When I think where I was in my mind then, I guess I have to say I am doing better. I'm not doing the drink myself into  coma anymore. I have laid off most of the drugs the doctor has given me. I did take an antidepressant this morniing. It helps me focus on my work, but in the two weeks since the doctor gave them to me I have only taken them 2x. I am exhausted. I only slept 4 hours last night, but then I slept off and on all the way out here, so I did a great job at work today. If I could just hide out here for a very long time I think I would be better off, but I know I have to go back home. It just hurts me to be there. I guess I have to just get over it.