Today was an extremely long day, up at 3:30 to get to the airport. Two different planes which each had there own prolems so ended up getting in late. The hardest part was not getting that phone call from my husband. Everytime I went on a business trip he use to call me right as I walked into my room. I could never figure out how he knew. He just use to say he could feel it from me. He could always finish my sentenses for me and me him. Now the words are not there. I thought that by putting some distance between between the house and me it would help, it has a little, but I really missed our phone call tonight. It was a month agao today that I flew home to start the funeral plans, but it feel like it was just yesterday that I was paceing this room and couldn't believe I could get on a plane until the next morning. Sometimes I tell myslef i am doing better, but I tell you if one more person tells me that I am still young and have another chance at finding someone else I think I will just scream. I understand they have no clue what they are saying, so why don''t they just give me a hug and say nothing. That would be so much better. I have even heard people say that next year at this time I won't even rememeber this. What are they crazy. I will never forget what we had together, or the horrible way he just died. I still keep looking around at all the people in the world, and healthly men at 50 just don't die. It makes me nuts.