The last couple of days had been very difficult. I looked at the calender and can't believe he has been gone for over a month already, but when I spent so much time shitfaced drunk it helped to just lose days out of my life. Today I am going to start fresh, no more drinking, no more smoking, however I will keep the pills the doctor gave me close if I need a little help once in awhile. I don't sleep well at all, and wake up just exhusted. Yesterday morning I don't know what happened, I got up to get ready for work, jumped into the shower and within just a minute or two I felt I was going to black out. Again I had only had 3 or 4 hours of sleep if I was lucky and had had much to drink the night before, but there I was trying to wash the conditioner out of my hair and I didn't know whether to sit down before I passed out, or run to the bed. I ended up grabbing a towel and made it to the bed right as I felt my legs going to give out from under me. A panic attack, or I was hyper ventilating. I don't know, it scared me. I laid in bed for about 5 minutes, I knew I needed to get my ass to work. I waited for whatever it was to pass. Got up and continued. I woke up the same way this morning. Felt like I couldn't catch my breath. Took another one of those supid pills from the doctor and in about 1/2 hour I laid back down and slept for a few more hours. I had plans of getting some stuff done that I have been putting off today, but you know I think I just need to take it easy. Lay around, watch a few movies, and maybe even get some sleep in between. Tomorrow I can deal with things like taking my husbands Chrristmas gifts I had bought him back to the store. Breaks my heart everytime I see them sitting in a bag with the receipt sitting on the kitchen counter.