Feeling better.

I went to court yesterday.  It looks like he is now going to take a plea agreement.  After two long horrific years of court hell, he now decides to take a plea.  First, the District Attorney wants his full evaluation and confession and then decide how much time to offer him.  I like that.  I want to read the report and his confession.  I saw his sister with him.  She looks terrible, just like me.  I have always thought she was happy and healthy and believing her brother through this, but I think I may have been wrong.  She looked like the stress has taken her life too.  I was glad.  That is sad because I want to be a good Christian woman and here I am, glad that someone else has been suffering.  I'm not sure how I feel about not having our day in court.  I'm getting mixed feelings from the therapist about how my daughter feels about it too.  I guess as I'm finally approaching the end of the nightmare, I'm not sure how I feel about it and how it is ending.  I know that probably doesn't make much sense but I wonder how I'll be when it's over.  Will I finally start healing instead of dealing?  What if I don't feel any better?  What if.......  What if I choose to finally let go of my life because it's over now and I can leave ?  What if I break in that way?  Yeah, yeah, my kids need me, blah, blah, blah, but I'm a person all my own too and this has definitely killed me.  I died on September 17th 2007 at approx 5pm.