Hi, still in hell here. Waiting ....for something to happen, hoping I can have hope. I'm writing a book, not reading a book. I want to help people, I need to help people. I have to know that something good will come of this nightmare i live in. I have so many secrets I don't know where to begin. My teeth are better at least. I hope this ends soon. Next friday is our first pre trial, I hope we make it. usually one attorney or the other continue because of conflicting schedules. I hope he changes his plea to GUILTY and spares us the hell of court. I wish things were so different. I have no joy. I walk through all of this with nothing inside but deep sorrow. It's nothing like I've ever felt before. I still dream of him. Sometimes we're still together and I wake up and wonder if i want him still or if that was a nightmare or....... I'm so ashamed I dream of him. Someday I hope I am someone different than who I am today.