Do you sometimes wonder if you are only here to end your life.  What I mean is, some people will say "I was made to do this with my life" or "I was born to do this".  What if I was meant to kill myself?  I feel like I want to do it all the time.  More and more.  But something stops me at the moment.  Am I afraid?  Am I worried for the family I would leave behind? Yes.  Im sure many people here feel this way too.
 
I never tell anyone these feelings anymore.  I did to start with, doctors, family and close friends.  But I have lived with these feelings for such a long time now I feel like a broken record and a burden to those around me.
 
Im hiding away more and more.
 
PB

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deleted_user
deleted_user

I have known the feeling, and it\'s just the same ol\' thing over and over for me I have always had problems with being depressed. I think the only reason I have over came my feelings like that was due to my children. I started my own family and happiness. It helped for a while, but now kid seem to cause more depression. With all the crying and screaming I feel as if I am on my last straw. No one cares to help, so I just bottle it up and put on a show.

I know I would never kill myself, but I hope one day to truly be happy. I am tired of being an actress. Making everyone think I am just fine.