Do you sometimes wonder if you are only here to end your life.  What I mean is, some people will say "I was made to do this with my life" or "I was born to do this".  What if I was meant to kill myself?  I feel like I want to do it all the time.  More and more.  But something stops me at the moment.  Am I afraid?  Am I worried for the family I would leave behind? Yes.  Im sure many people here feel this way too.
 
I never tell anyone these feelings anymore.  I did to start with, doctors, family and close friends.  But I have lived with these feelings for such a long time now I feel like a broken record and a burden to those around me.
 
Im hiding away more and more.
 
PB