I live in two worlds. One is a world of distraction. It consists of reading, watching TV or movies, working on my computer, transposing music, everyday life that requires my attention and focus. The other is the world where my daughter resides. Sometimes it is a world of warm memories, sometimes a world of deep sadness. There is always underlying pain. I am drawn to this world every day, sometimes pulled from my world of distraction by a force beyond my control. It is a world I can't live in, but want so much to be part of. The pain gets too hard, and I have to escape to the world of distraction. But I return to my daughter, or she pulls me to her. She wants our time to be warm, comforting, peaceful. She wants me to feel her love and remember the wonderful time we were together in this world. But the pain of losing her and missing her drives me back to the world of distraction. Not to forget, but to survive. I know there will come a time when it will be easier to rest in her peace. She is patient. She will wait for me, and continue to love and comfort me. I know that even in the world of distraction she is there, looking over me and as a mother would gaze upon a sleeping child, with love and tenderness. She waits for my presence.
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this is a beautiful journal entry, John. I was working and looking after my mother when my husband died - and I think the pain without that distraction - would have been unbearable. It is good you have that distraction, otherwise the pain would be too much to bear. You will rest happy in your memories of Libra - that will happen little bit by little bit. Though the pain will always be there, but you will co-exist with it in a much easier way...hugzz Cathrynn XX
I understand your world, as you feel it daily. The distractions for me, fill up time - but they are not enough - of comfort - to keep me from feeling the pain of loosing my son. Today marks the first anniversary of the day I lost my mother. Who knew? two more would follow her in one year. My pain over loosing my son intensifies - daily. I hope I can apply some of your sentiments to my own life - and hope that he is watching over me - and will comfort me through his loss. May God bless -
Very inspiring entry. I understand about needing the distractions. I, too, use the TV, books and the computer, as well as work. Hopefully the time will come when the memories will be less painful and we can find great comfort in them. I honestly believe that our lost loved ones are here watching over us.
john, this is so eloquently written and moving. i know the world that you live in is what i experience as well. thank you for putting this into words for me. peace and hugs ~joy
I like your journal entry, it\'s a different perspective. But explains so much. Thank you. I wish you peace. Hugs.
Dear John...I think we all understand the world of distractions. I too have found distractions and for a short time I forget and it feels as if my Dad is still in this world. Who would have ever thought how painful this would be, I miss him so much. Tahnee X