I went to visit my daughter this morning. I usually feel better after visiting her, but today, not so much. It's embarrassing to admit that I haven't cried since she passed away. All I feel is numb and deeply sad. What's wrong with me? Why can't I cry? I would rather cry and release some of this emotion than feel what I'm feeling. Maybe I'm depressed, even though my doctor prescribed Zoloft and Clonazepam. It helps with the panic attacks and anxiety I was having, but I don't think it is helping much with depression. My daughter's headstone will be ready in a couple of weeks. My granddaughter designed it from the templates that were available. She did a beautiful one. It will be better when my daughter is no longer in an unmarked grave. I have really been missing her.
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John,
Crying is a release it\'s true, but it all too temporary. The sad, numb feelings settle in again and there you are. You probably are depressed and why shouldn\'t you be? You\'ve lost your precious daughter. I\'ve been depressed since the day my son died. I\'m taking Cymbalta. It helps me keep the tears in check, but to be honest it really doesn\'t take away those dark, sad, awful feelings of loss (I call it the sucking black hole). I guess nothing will or could. Please, remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You\'ve been through so much and are still going through the long dark tunnel each of has to go through. The trick is to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Most days I can\'t convince myself there is. But you have your granddaughter and I have my daugther to help us see beauty is still in the world. There are so many of us here helping each other along this journey. Call on us anytime! Cyn
John there is nothing wrong with you, we just all go through it each in a different way. It is great that you can express just the way you feel inside. I feel like there is a shadow over me now and was asking one of my DS friends will it always be like this? At least we all have each for support and encouragement. Warm hugs to you John and your granddaughter too. Tahnee X
John, I think you are still in shock. I know, you expected her passing. I also know that she was the main part of your life every single day, you guys were joined-at-the-hip. The crying hasn\'t started yet. It will..when you least expect it. And it will be okay, and it will be a cleansing cry.. Perhaps your self defense, survival mechanism is in full force, afraid that if you open up for they crying, it won\'t be so easy to stop, do you know what I mean? It\'s like a protective wall...waiting to burst open...God bless you with peace and comfort and strength John, you are a wonderful father and grandfather, I remember you in my prayers and pray for peace for you. big hugs.