WTF

I dont know whats goin on with me lately. i think it might be my birth control i just started taking. but i even called into work today, because of how i feel emotionally.  Ive never done that. but i didnt feel stable, or that i could handle the everyday mumbo jumbo of disgruntled customers and gamblers. i was worried that someone or something would set me off, and then i would lose my job for sure.
our new place we moved to, isnt the greatest as we had thought, seems we have a knack for finding wierd neighbors who happen to be the landlords, who are loud and inconsiderate, so as much as i would like to stay here for a while, be here and not worry, im not sure how long things will work. but i am hopeful that things will even out and we can all be ok. i hope i can get off my ass and get to college... im so tired of my job. why cant i just be happy? it scares me... will nothing ever be good enough for me? will i be one of those people who will forever be searching for something better, but never to find it? why cant i just be happy with how i am? how things are now? and know that it will only improve in the future. im worried austin will leave me, and wont be able to understand or accept my moods they way they are. I wasnt ready when i got together with him to be with anyone. and i knew it. but im suffering now, because the emotions are difficult to handle. and he doesnt understand how i feel when i feel those ways. sometimes i just hurt. and its hard for me to work things through sometimes. especially when i wasnt ready to deal with the emotions that a relationship has. i dunno. just how im feeling.but thank the gods for dogs. i mean, they are just such good friends to me. and great to cuddle with. i dont know what i would do without my animals. I need to be more spiritual. i need a schedule. and to work out.
oh how i wish things were simpler, and all there was to worry or think about was the land and skills you had.