Day 3:
Good morning Peeps!
I have vowed to write every single day so that I can stay in touch with my resolution to stop gambling. At this moment nothing else is more important than this. So day 3, I am still broke, having used up all my resources. Today I am doing an extra bit of work, so I will have some "living" money until payday. On that day it will be time to begin the repair of my bill history. Got quite a bit to catch up on. But the healing begins.
I talked to my Mom yesterday and lied like a rug about not participating in Christmas this year. That wonderful gal tried to figure out how to help me financially. But she isn't rich. Out of the kindness and concern of a parent who loves me. That stuck me deep. I still feel the shame. Not enough that I'm ready to confess though... Above all else "keep the secret" don't tell a soul. I'm just not ready to face that reality yet.
I have lied so much to the people I love. Its become quite easy. Just keep pulling down the shade. Don't let ANYONE see how ashamed I feel inside. Just another mask that I can change like the weather. Its time for this merry go round to stop. Let me off.
I'm tired of hiding at the casino. There has to be a healthier way to go through life. That is my new journey. That is my new promise. If I stay in the light. Casinos are so dark, no clocks, no windows. So my goal today, stay in the light. Where there is light, there is hope...
I have vowed to write every single day so that I can stay in touch with my resolution to stop gambling. At this moment nothing else is more important than this. So day 3, I am still broke, having used up all my resources. Today I am doing an extra bit of work, so I will have some "living" money until payday. On that day it will be time to begin the repair of my bill history. Got quite a bit to catch up on. But the healing begins.
I talked to my Mom yesterday and lied like a rug about not participating in Christmas this year. That wonderful gal tried to figure out how to help me financially. But she isn't rich. Out of the kindness and concern of a parent who loves me. That stuck me deep. I still feel the shame. Not enough that I'm ready to confess though... Above all else "keep the secret" don't tell a soul. I'm just not ready to face that reality yet.
I have lied so much to the people I love. Its become quite easy. Just keep pulling down the shade. Don't let ANYONE see how ashamed I feel inside. Just another mask that I can change like the weather. Its time for this merry go round to stop. Let me off.
I'm tired of hiding at the casino. There has to be a healthier way to go through life. That is my new journey. That is my new promise. If I stay in the light. Casinos are so dark, no clocks, no windows. So my goal today, stay in the light. Where there is light, there is hope...
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