Ok so here we go! Cycle Day 1 was Saturday when AF arrived little disappointed it came on the 31st day, when it comes late it has a tendency to suck, and Sunday woke up at 7:30am with terrible cramps! But I’ve been exceptionally lucky that I haven’t had horrid AF’s since I came off BCP so, the fact that a year later I’m starting to feel the effects of the Endo, I’m grateful. At the same time I’ve enjoyed the wonder in the fact that despite any medical reason I’ve had “normal” cycles. With the journey you have to hold on to the good things, the little miracles. I’ve also been stressed more and anxious, eating’s been a little off so all makes sense.   But NO MORE, time to get on track. I received my book Conquering Infertility and meditation CD yesterday, started reading last night and it’s yet another book that has helped me make sense of all this. Even will help DH, after last months “episode” I realized it’s not just me who could use a little de-stressing. It’s getting to him too. I read him an excerpt that made me “get” what’s happening to us. In the book it runs down what your body and mind go through in the “fight or flight” response, like if you were driving and a deer bolted out into the road in front of your car. You heart races pumping oxygen rich blood to muscles, blood pressure skyrockets, your breathing becomes shallow and rapid, stress hormones pour into your bloodstream, muscles tense and immune and digestive systems temporarily shut down, brain switches to state of hyper alertness, body releases endorphins. Every systems prepares for you to deal with the stress.  After you’ve swerved and deer has run off, your curse and swear at it, but eventually calm down. Now imagine 30 minutes late same thing happens, and an hour after that, and 45 minutes after that, you get the picture. Eventually your body would start to deal with the nearly constant barrage of stressors by keeping you in a state of heightened level of response, not allowing for it to return to normal, heart rate, breathing and muscle tension would stay elevated…sound familiar to anyone? Did to me!  Basically, with the rollercoaster that is infertility this is THAT’S where we are. Both of us! So we need to address this, together. It got to my husband, made sense to him, maybe those of you who read my journal could take that to your husbands and they’ll get it to.  Maybe it’ll be something to get hubby and wife not on the same page, but maybe the same chapter again. We had a good talk about how we’re handling all this and how we want to try and handle it going forward, and that’s good.   So I have 21 days to get myself healthy and calm, find some good relaxation techniques, and maybe lose just a bit more weight to off set the drugs, I do have a couple of events that I’d like to look half way descent for. And make sure I’m keeping balanced, my life and the cycle. Seems like it should be easier than we all know it is.