I feel really conflicted today.  A good friend of mine, has been having extra marital affairs which I have been trying to encourage her to seek other solutions like counceling, etc.  This week is extra hard because she is gone and meeting someone else.  :(  I have been tryin to reach her to tell her not to do this, but i cant get in touch...Believe it or nor, Sara is a wonderful person. That is why this part of her life does not 'fit' who she is... I have asked her, are you sure tihs is who you want to be??? Its not you, its not what you stand for. She tells me she loves her husband. But they got married young (she was 18) and she never got the chance to sow her oats. I told her I understand that and that must be hard for her, however,she is now in a committed, long term relationship and that unless he is fine with an open marriage she needs to STOP what she is doing because it is dishonest with him. He is aware they have issues, as they have had them all along. He is a very traditional, family man and I highly doubt he will walk away from the marriage unless who knows she has cheated on him, again. He is already aware of the one of the times - the first time many,many years ago. She tells me her family would never accept her leaving John, and that she would never leave her marriage for another man, because she is not like that.... I am becoming more confused. Not that one time is EVER ok, but the first time she told me about an affair I truly thought she was seeking for something that was missing, that was why I suggested personal counceling so she could find whatever this void was and fill it, instead of continuing in this manner. I want her to be happy. I understand personally what it means to not be happy and be locked in a marriage, but I don't think that justifies continuing in wrong behavior. I have told her all of these things. On the flip side, I love her husband like a brother. He is a good man and it hurts me knowing she is doing this to him, although I know he knows she is 'unhappy' in the marriage. I dont sit around with her and make jokes about him. I tell her she is risking losing a good thing and what will she do if he walks out... things like that. I don't feel it is my resposibility to tell him, she needs to step up and do that. Seeing him everyday is getting harder. I feel like I am screwed. I tried to help and now I have gotten myself in this mess. My fear is that when/if he finds out this was going on and becomes aware that I knew (althought I WAS NOT encouraging it) he opinion of me will be dashed. And, that matters to me. I suppose I should continue to be a friend to her and encourage her to do the right things, but make sure she is aware that if he asks me I will can no longer lie on her behalf. WHy does it feel like I am the one cheating?