I am new to this. I have never shared any intimacy with anyone. So perhaps now is the time. I want so much to stop smoking. I have tried several times over the years. I went to a hypnotist on the 5th and am now back smoking again. I feel so badly about it. I live here with my son but he is at his Dads for the weekend. I have no-one to share my thoughts with. I have kept busy and tried to clear out the room I use as an office. I have been to the tip with a carload of shredded paper...and felt like I was throwing my life away. Walking into a sorted, clutterfree room hasn't helped like I thought it would. The weather is cold, grey and damp...and thats exactly how I feel. I thought that I might feel like this if I was mourning the loss of my constant companions - the cigarettes,  but I never thought that I would feel like this while I was smoking. I am so disappointed and sad that I am smoking again. I hope that tomorrow I will feel stronger and less sorry for myself. This is not like me. I dont really understand whats going on in my mind. Maybe I was trying too hard..looking forward to being smoke-free too much...thought I was stronger than I really am.