Life sucks.  Today I begged him to stay and give us a chance.  I hate that I was crying and begging him.  It was obvious to me this wasn't the marriage I had hoped for from the early begining.  But I thought that he loved me and had my best interest at heart.  Mostly it has been very lonely.  Everything else was more important, his hobbies, his job and the computer.  I would beg for him to talk to me but he just couldn' or wouldn't.  I got used to being on my own with the kids, life was better when it was the three of us.  He was moody and picked fights all the time. I couldn't stand for him to be angry all the time and then want sex as if nothing had happened. I was walking on eggshells, I didn't do or say the right thing.  The low grade depression I suffer turned into a pit that I couldn't escape.  I had no hope, no dreams, no energy, no money and no where to go.  We moved from our long time home in Kenosha, WI to follow his dream job to central Ill (Springfield).  I had hopes for that move, closer to family, something we never had any of the other places we lived.  I thought that if he was happy with his job then some of that happiness would transfer to our home. He had had a long term affair with a married co-worker in WI, he finally told me once we moved to ILL.  He never apologized, said it was because he needed more sex.  I lost my mind.  Went to counselor to cope with the affair.  He came to a few sessions but didn't like to dig that deep into his emotional life.  Locked out again.  The company he worked for decided to eliminate the ILL plant and only operate the one in Fargo, ND.  I hate it here.  No family no friends.  Just deeper depression. Finally sought help with the depression after 31/2 years and made some improvements. I got more meds, lost some weight, new makeup and clothes and got a job.  I don't know who I was kidding.  At the begining of this year he said he would do what it takes to improve our marriage.  He went to counseling with me a few times.  I didn't do the counselor homework fast enough, he said I only did it for her.  Said he was almost going to apolgize for the first affair. But I didn't earn it.  He found someone on a web site that purpose is to hook up with others for sex.  He wants freedom, said he did everything to save marriage.  I just wanted him to talk to me and love me.  Life sucks.