Thanksgiving was difficult.  My extended family gets together for five days each year and I went to Oregon and met up with my kids.  They flew in from their colleges.  The vacation was just sad to me. I couldn't help but remember how it was for the twenty previous Thanksgivings.  I was sad and I think my kids were as well.  I came home and called my stbx about the offer we received on our house and about paying our property taxes.  We couldn't finish the conversation as she got abusive on the phone and I hung up.  She called back and left a long message on my phone.  The message made it clear to me where she is and how much blame she has against me.  It helped pull me a bit away from that nostalgic place.  She takes no responsibility for the end of our marriage.  That is clear.  I have no idea why I would expect her to do that.  My problem is my feelings.  I am sad and lonely and am waiting to feel, if not good, at least okay.  It has been fifteen months since she left and her affair became common knowledge.  I am doing the things that I should do, talking to friends, writing, reading and praying.  I guess I am just ready for the constant sadness to end.  It has tired me out. I feel like I am stressed to the limit and need something to help me feel better.  Hopefully my sadness is just a function of the holiday season.