It has been seven months since I wrote here and a lot has happened and a lot hasn't happened.  I am moving closer to divorce.  We have a court date in January.  The house is up for sale and has not received any offers.  That is our shared asset.  My stbx is not with the man who she was with when she left me.  He went to jail, then got out.  She wound up filing a restraining order against him.  She is with a new man now, another former heroin addict who has been clean for six months.  I notice that I am still talking about her. I pray daily to let her go in my heart.  I am lonely and don't think I would take her back if she begged but I don't trust myself.  I know that I can't move on until I get over her and I am working on that.  My job is very rewarding and yet it is hard.  My kids are off in their first year of college and I miss having them here.  I don't like where my life is right now.  I am willing to go through it but it is not easy for me.  I struggle with it.  I work, see my friends, pray and do what I need to do but I don't feel joy much.  Maybe it will help to write about it.