Another Sunday comes and life is good.  Actually good.  That is amazing considering how poor I felt just a month or so ago.  I have the day to myself and don't mind that.  My kids are asleep and will stay that way for hours I would guess since they are teenagers.  There is no pain in my heart at all. I can just breathe and live.  It is raining outside and I can think of things like reading a book and it doesn't have to be a 'getting over divorce' book.  There are a couple of movies that I haven't watched and I can watch them as well.  And of course there is the American holiday that is the Super Bowl.  I realized that I don't have to consider my wife in the back of my mind at all times like I used to.  Let me explain.  I cared if she was annoyed.  That didn't mean that I wouldn't do what annoyed her, necessarily, but I was always aware of it.  Now there is less stress and worry.  There is no conflict in this house now.  The kids and I exist peacefully.  I guess I am seeing what kind of life I want to have.  I don't think I can ever go back to the kind of turmoil that is created by two people that no longer like each other.  My part was that I let it go on without demanding that we attempt to deal with it.  I just went along.  God willing, when I get in another relationship I will be brave enough to be willing to address my feelings as they happen rather than postpone dealing with them out of fear of abandonment.  After all, I was abandoned anyway and I have survived.  I think fear has run a lot of my life.  And being afraid and trying to be careful above all doesn't work anyway.  A little risk and truthtelling is all good or at least healthier.My wife sent me a text message this week that said how sorry she was for all the pain she had caused and for her lying and that she is grateful that I am such a good man.  I didn't respond to her.  I have no response to that.  She is sorry that she cheated..okay.  She is sorry that she lied about it...okay.  She is sorry that she blamed it all on me...okay.  She is not my responsibility anymore.  I am working my way towards indifference. I am not quite as serene as I am claiming to be but I am not in turmoil.  That is a worthy replacement.  There is a woman that I am becoming friends with and she is bringing me a lot of enjoyment. I have no idea what is up with that or what could even happen there, but at the moment I am not going to worry. I am not doing anything to ruin my chances for recovery from my pain or to impact my children's life.  They still need me to be rock solid, which, thank goodness I am able to be today.