Sunday morning. Quiet in the house. Both of my kids spent the night at friend's houses. So I get a taste of what life will be like when they go to college next year. It is nice. The idea that I get to choose what goes on in my house is not scary or depressing. I don't miss my stbx. As I get a bit of distance from our lives together I can see how much of the time I had to fit myself to her. That is not a complaint, in a marriage we do fit ourselves to the other person, but having a chance to live for me again will be nice.It is amazing how we heal. Humans have this incredible capacity to feel emotional pain but also the ability to learn to deal and survive and even prosper with it. People who lose legs, or their eyesight can have happy productive lives, so clearly someone who loses their spouse can as well. I do know that the pain we feel can be overwhelming and for me it felt that way. I didn't see myself getting to where I am now four months ago. It just didn't seem possible, but here I am. My stbx and I are not having contact and that is very good for me. Last week she wanted to take the dog on a sleepover. I told her I would put the dog and the leash out in the yard. She said, "nah, don't do that" and I relented. Our conversation was typical and not healthy. After she left I texted her that we should not communicate for a while. I saw my therapist and he told me that my first impulse was the healthy one but that I had let her draw me back in. That is a pattern that hopefully now I can avoid. There is something in me that is drawn to the drama, that doesn't want to let her go. However, she is and has been gone for a long, long time, way before she left this house. My head and my heart are close to being in sync again. It is Sunday, I have nothing to do and that sounds just great!My hope for all of us here at DS is that we give ourselves a break. Beating myself up never makes me act in a healthy way. Forgiving myself and letting myself feel the way that I am feeling, trusting that things will get better, helps me to stay out of the drama and pain.
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I just love reading your posts. Honest, insightful, positive... I think it\'s so important that we tune into our own tendencies in relationships, recognize where we stumbled along the way, forgive, adjust and move on. I completely understand what you mean about conforming and now being able to just \"be\" - it is....well, nice. I for one am looking forward to a lazy afternoon. No football :( but I\'m sure I can find something to do with myself to enjoy this snowy Sunday in New England. Thanks for the wonderful post!
I totally understand your story about interacting with your stbx. Last month my ex came to my house to pick up some furniture. I set it out in the driveway with no intention of letting him in the house. Well, he suddenly wanted to chit-chat and asked if he could see how I had remodeled the garage. For some stupid reason, I relented, thinking that I didn\'t have to be rude. Geesh, I felt violated afterward. I should\'ve gone with my first instinct. I won\'t do that to myself again.
Enjoy your Sunday with nothing to do!
Aloneness is a wonderful thing, so happy you can appreciate it!
I am fortunate that my ex is so close to our son (9). I do ok until I have to see him(the ex) or hear his voice or even his name. Then I start feeling so bad. An awful feeling inside takes over. I am also by myself today. But I find it so depressing. Maybe I will watch TV. Something I very seldom do. Who knows maybe I will like it. Enjoy your peaceful day.....
A quiet home is great sometimes. I would say that is a great experience to have especially when you are going through hardship. It brings peace to your mind and helps you to appreciate the liberation that you have.
When I got divorced from my ex I had decided to set boundaries for about 2 years. I was full of anger, frustration, bitterness and everything else you can add to it. I needed some time think, iron things out emotionally and get to know who I was. I longed for a healthy me.
You are doing great and I am so amazed by the progress that you have made within a short period of time. Hang in there my friend and continue to look towards greatness in your life. Have a fun day, Althea
Having no contact is indeed helpful for the healing process. Unfortunately I will soon have to go to mediation and then court. I just hope I don\'t backslide into the slime pit of despair I was in before. It is the unknown factors I am worried about. Since he is acting like a stranger I have no idea what he will try and say or will do during these up coming preceedings. I just want to keep calm, focused and dry eyed. I will say a little prayer for you too.
You sound as if you are in a good place now. Good for you. I agree. I have cut off all contact with the ex, and he doesn\'t have any reason to contact me because our kids are grown. He did email us Happy New Year! How\'s that?
Yes we need relief and peace in our lives. It is our turn to divorce ourselves from the drama as well as the spouse.
Tsand you sound so content. That was a wonderful post and I know that I\'ll get to that point. It sometimes just doesn\'t feel like. We all now deep in our heart that sometimes divorce is best for all around but accepting it is another story. You have strived to get to where you are and you should be very proud of yourself. You are a good person! Cheryl
I dont know how long you have been in your situation but I trust in God, that I too will get to the point where I know what is good for me as you do now thanx for sharing it really does give me some encouragement