Things have sort of settled down with my feelings. It is easier to live. My heart is not hurting. I sleep at night. However, this new stage bears with it some challenges. Externally, the situation is still dramatic and I am drawn to that drama as it at least feeds me some excitement, however, I know that there is no solace for me there. Two days ago my daughter texted me at school after lunch asking me to get her out of class because she didn't want to cry there. I took her out and she told me that at lunch she saw the om driving the car that my wife had supposedly sold, twice, and that he waved at her. The wave, the lying about selling the car, really upset my daughter. She is in pain around my wife's behavior. Her twin brother, seems resigned to the situation and doesn't really talk about it. Old friends of my wife are upset with her because she has no contact with anyone, not a single person, that was in her life a year ago. I know the only part of that that concerns me is my children. I am lucky to be able to be part of their lives, a big part, on a daily basis. It is sad that at seventeen, they have to grow up but life is not for wimps. I know that I need to find strength to be happy within myself. It is all an internal job now. I don't ever want to make an other be responsible for my feelings of contentment. There is a part of me that wants to find a girlfriend to soften the lonlieness of my feelings but I can at least commit to wait until my children are gone away to college. Being a strong man who does the right thing has its rewards. I wouldn't want to change places with my wife, estranged from both her children who were the center of her life for sixteen years, but it is still sort of lonely. DS is a support but it is not life. I am doing all the activities that made up my life before and way more but I guess a stage where I feel blue is to be expected.It is funny how when the pain receeds a bit, and it has receeded a ton from where I was a month ago, how we want whatever level of pain we are in to be gone. That is, I struggle to be okay with being right where I am most of the time. I know what I need is to stay in my feelings and to feel them, but it is not easy and perhaps living won't be easy for a long while. It is okay to feel blue, which there is no smily face for btw Doug!
Replies
I feel the same way about my 7 year old having to learn the harsh realities of life through the divorce. My biggest fear when I realized Peter was leaving was that I would crush her innocence. I definitely can relate to your feelings of loneliness. I feel so grateful for DS and my friends here, but you are right. It is no substitute for living. Good point about the blue face ;) Thanks for the chuckle. {{{HUGS}}} Laura
I can relate. Being here at DS is not all that life has to offer but it helps. I know with me after my divorce my daughter went through some painful times even at 22. I believe the sooner you face things the sooner healing will take place for them. It\'s not easy. It seems as if you are on the right track. I admire your strength and ability to move foward with your life. I find that waiting until after your children go off to college to start a relationship would be a great idea. Stay strong and best wishes to you :) Alethea
I can relate to so much you are writing about. My son has only had one call from his Dad since Christmas, and he felt so hurt, he did not even want to talk much. My daughter had a fight with him a while ago, no contact since. Yesterday, her car died on her, and she left him a voicemail. He has as of yet not even called her back to see if she is okay. What hurt her the most is that she could have been stuck on the highway in the middle of the night (she wasn\'t, but he did not know that), and it hurts her to feel like he is not even concerned? He happens to be self-employed as a mechanic, so this is the type of work he does. So this morning we just went online, and we will figure out how to buy the right battery and install it ourself - and hope it works.
I am just so hurt and confused right now over his behavior towards the kids. I can understand about me, but his kids have always been the most important in his life. Sorry, this is long, but had to vent...
My 17 year old daughter now has the triggers that this divorce is bringing to her life. She will be fine but when something at school stresses her she falls apart so easily. It makes me sad. I am glad your daughter has you in her life. That does help. You are a good man, I feel the same way, I don\'t want to introduce anyone into my childrens lives until we are all good and ready.
TS, You are such a good father. Your kids will look back one day and be proud of the way you handled yourself during this situation. You should be proud.
Isn\'t it nice to look back on the devistating feelings and know that they are more behind you now. I\'m so glad you are feeling better, sleeping and eating better. That alone is such a huge blessing.
I too look at my stbx and am completely mistified how they could be so different so selfish. My children are so young....but it still pains me for when I realize the children are feeling loss. I just wish there was more I could do for them.
Lonelyness---I\'ve heard enough to see that my life needs to be at the very least richer with friends. DS is great but a good friend who can get you going or share in a chore or pass some time is so important. Not being a couple means that all this must be redefined and recreated. I need to connect to single parents now but heck we\'er all so busy. Wish I knew the answer to this.
Tony you are amazing in the way you think and heal. Good days are a head for you.
It is great to see that you are sleeping better. In time you will be much happier than you were with you stbx.