Early morning and a bit blue. The other day, two days ago, my sbtx came over after her job to talk. She had admitted that she was overwhelmed by her life and that she needed help. Why I would think that I was the one to do that is beyond me. I guess in retrospect I can see how obsessed and deluded I have been. This is a woman who doesn't see or call her kids more than once a week. She is in a relationship with a man who is using speed. She has taken tens of thousands of dollars from our shared accounts. She is not in her right mind. We went over old wounds and fought without dropping a beat. She is capable of saying the meanest things to me ever. I can tell that she is being defensive and attacking to deflect from herself but still. I don't hold grudges for very long. She is still fascinating to me. I still miss her but I can't do it anymore. I emailed her last night and asked her if we could start divorce proceedings with a mediatior. I would love it if we could do the divorce the right way. Our estate is not that complicated. I am trying to find the way to love myself enough to not allow myself to go through her behaviors. If one of the DS community posted about an stbx who was in a relationship with a drug using other, and that the stbx has not really tried to get with her children, because they are not going to tell her who she can or can't see, and that she took a bunch of money without saying anything, who is a mad spender, I know that I would kindly suggest that the person get away for their own good. There is nothing there to save. I don't want to live in craziness. I don't want to have a wife who cheats. I deserve someone who can be honest; she can't be. It is sad. That is the feeling that goes with this whole thing. A repressed adolescence, a mid life crisis, death of the last parent and pre-menopause combined to take my life apart piece by piece. However, there is a bright side. I am learning so much about myself. I can see what I can do and what I am like under pressure. My kids have a clear respect and love for me as a father who was there completely when things went to hell. I know that I need to learn to be able to live and be fine without someone else in my life to make it better. I will carry my love for her as she was with me for a long time but I won't be ruled by it. I won't be tortured by it. I will do what is right for me and my children.
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I hope your day gets better! stay strong and true to you:) you\'ll make it through the bad stuff a much better person!!
hugs!!
You are an absolutely awesome dad. How heartening for you to know that your kids have a clear respect and love for you, that is the important stuff of life.
You are one of the few people here whose views and comments I value and like to read. Early on my first impression of you was that of a very intelligent person and strong. Somebody I wish I knew in real life.
But for all we learn, figuer out, accept and overcome, there will always be some sadness for what we lost. I remember wishing that my marriage had been hell, that he had been abusive or worse....just thinking it may make it easier to get over him. Love just doesn\'t work that way, eh?
You have an incredible perspective. Even though my ordeal only started a week ago, I can\'t help but try to look at this situation for what it is - a death. I am in mourning. I am so glad that we don\'t have any children, although his daughter will be crushed. She and I have developed a great relationship over the years. You are right - one person can\'t be responsible for another persons actions. You have to remove yourself from the craziness. My husbands \"crazy\" is a little easier to take. He has been on a spiritual journey and feels like he is finally strong enough to stand up for the things he wants - or in my case, doesn\'t want. You will be in my prayers. I just joined this site yesterday and am so amazed at how many people are going through this same torture. In some respects it hardens me to love. Best of luck - God be with you.
I wish i shared your confidence you are definately setting a good example for me to follow. Take care of you and yours
You should be so proud of your accomplishments. It\'s not easy to see your wife and accept her choice to be ill; to defend yourself against her selfish projections when all you wanted from her is her love. You\'ve taken steps to accept the reality of your situation and move forward with your life. YOu have you eyes dead fixed on the aspects of healing you can control. And your family SEES YOU and loves you for the steady rock you are. I havs so much respect for your determination. You have a lot to offer. Today hurts but it is real progress. (((HUGS)))
As usual, well said and I am proud of how far you have come in this journey.
You are doing the right thing. I know I still have feeling for my \"H\", but I cannot let that get in the way of what I know has to be done. TS be free of this. If she doesn\'t do something you be the strong one and start the proceedings. I know it is hard. I am the one that had to start mine. He would have left me hangs for as long as he could if I had let him. You need to think of your children and yourself. She obviously isn\'t. Just take one step at a time and free yourself from this bondage.
It\'s so hard TSand. Shit, I am in a similar situation minus the kids. There is nothing left, I know. The trust has been destroyed. I, like you must keep moving forward. We must divorce ourselves from them. Period, the end. I will be watching your journals. Xc.